to her from the few journalists still optimistic enough to bother trying.

One keen young Royal Gazette reporter working a Sunday shift tried calling Jennifer Smith at her home the Laurels to ask her views on changing dress codes in the House of Assembly.

An innocuous enough question one would think. Her assistant was heard relaying the message to Madame Premier only to return with the news that she was "busy entertaining''.

Not content with this brush off, the Premier's trusty side-kick Col. David Burch , in an extremely rare call to the Gazette , made hours later, declared of this apparently awful breach of protocol: "The Premier does not take questions at her private residence!'' Prompting the heartfelt response: "Well, where does she take them then?'' The ever-helpful Colonel then said if journalists ring the Government switchboard at the weekend a message will be taken by "a real live person.'' Of course whether the message will then be passed on is debatable given that, as the good Colonel said, "the Premier doesn't take questions at her private residence''.

Oh, and apparently we are not allowed to know who she is entertaining either at official engagements. A Government spokesman told Hester: "That is not for public consumption.'' Ms Smith could take some lessons from her 24-hour Telecoms and E-commerce Minister Renee Webb, who uses her Ministerial car at all hours of the day and night "because she is always a Minister'' and is fond of touting her availability to the media and business at anytime of the day -- just call or e-mail her.

Hester's pleased to know no-one is above the law in her little Island home.

During a speech to the Rotary Club this week, Police Commissioner Jean-Jacques Lemay was busy exulting all the wonderful things the Police Service was doing to serve the public better -- a return to grass roots policing, better intelligence gathering, more officers on the beat...you get the picture...but little did he know his vision was being carried out as he spoke.

The Commish breezed out the Royal Bermuda Yacht Club just in time to see a big fat parking ticket being slapped on his big green official car by a stern-faced traffic cop. The naughty Mountie had apparently parked illegally behind the Bank of Bermuda. With a sheepish look, he quickly peeled it off and drove off.

Speaking of posh cars, Hester thought one of the dubious reasons for the Government's introduction of more, and wider, larger cars, was to chauffeur around visiting dignitaries. So why was a group of World Health Organisation VIPs seen taking taxis everywhere recently? When it comes to covering the news, Hester really must say that wannabe daily the Bermuda Sun and The Royal Gazette are worlds apart...you know we're in a league of our own. Perhaps that is why the two rival papers had such different takes on yesterday's jail escapee story. In big bold letters, bigger than news of the Concorde crash, The Gazette's front-page headline on the story read "Inquiry launched after sex attacker escapes'', and went on to report the launch of a full-scale probe into Brian Carlton Rogers' second escape from custody by smashing a wall in -- and detailing his dangerous past. Alas, the SUNshine tabloid didn't quite see it as such a big story, well certainly not as important as how to fill in the CURE paperwork. Squeezed in on Page 2 was a little item about the escape headlined "wall shifter at large''. Now that really scares the living daylights out of you, doesn't it?...and Hester knows these prisoners like to bulk up, but moving walls apart! Incidentally, Brian Carlton Rogers' escape from, um, the high-security St.

George's Police Station on Monday night reminds Hester of a story she heard a few years ago about a prisoner being escorted from Hamilton Police Station to Magistrates' Court. Somehow, the chap got "left behind'' by his escort and wandered across Parliament Street (in handcuffs) to the then-Donald Smith Travel Agency where he asked a someone ver de court was. Oh well, the more things change, the more they stay the same...

Hester was reminded of just how fast technology is taking over the world recently when she heard how business big shot Glen Titterton had to be called away from his desk by his minions recently to sort out a small problem. BF&M staff, while clearing out offices, had come across a strange machine, unlike any they'd ever seen, plugged in and whirring away in the back of an old office. Bewildered and left scratching her head, the young woman who initially came across the metal beast went to several other members of staff, who all stood around the machine pondering what on earth it might be.

Eventually the mystery became too much and Mr. Titterton was called in immediately. He couldn't help but laugh as he found himself looking at an old telex machine, still plugged in and patiently waiting for the next message to be sent on long bits of ticker tape. The machine -- completely foreign to his, er, younger staff -- has now been dismantled and surely kept for the Bermuda Museum of Machines Before the Internet, along with typewriters, carbon copiers, record players and eight-track tape players.