won't be Christmas without any presents'' is a problem that, happily, few Bermudians will have to worry about.

But how about the ultimate in gift-giving? If you could buy someone special a present where money was no object, who would you choose and what would you buy? We put this hypothetical question to some of our better known residents. The only restriction was that gifts to family members were not allowed.

Those who replied were, with a few notable exceptions, in a charitable frame of mind.

If we were awarding prizes, however, artist Diana Tetlow would certainly win first prize for originality and for the obvious thought that went into her reply.

Here is her list: "I'd like to buy the rainforests, the Serengeti and Masai Mara, and every piece of undeveloped land in Bermuda, but I can't think of anyone who could be trusted to look after the gift for ever. So, I think I'd buy a Christmas stocking for the following people: 1. To George Bush -- the 23 States that voted against him.

2. To Dan Quayle -- adoption papers for Murphy Brown's baby.

3. To Ross Perot -- a mute button or elocution lessons.

4. To the Queen -- `How to Fill out your Tax Form'.

5. To Charles and Diana -- Murphy Brown's Guide to Single Parenting.

6. To Madonna -- a chastity belt.

7. To John Major -- a lump of coal.

8. To Boris Yeltsin -- restoration of the Romanovs (Tsars) so they can take the flak while he gets on with the work.

9. To Spike Lee -- an unbiased opinion.

Premier the Hon. Sir John Swan set the prevailing tone by declaring, "If I could give a gift it would be that there is peace and a solution to the problems of Somali, Bosnia and South Africa.'' Well known radio personality Mr. David Lopes said the question was very difficult to answer: "I don't buy extravagant gifts, so that's a hard one to answer. I'm thinking about all the people in the world who are lonely, but you can't buy companionship. So if I had that kind of money, I would probably split it up amongst charities.

"I was looking at TV the other night and it occurred to me that the food they were handing out to those people in Somalia didn't look too appetising -- maybe they could use some nice desserts!'' St. George's Secondary School Principal, Mr. Dale Butler , answered without a moment's thought, saying, "I would take all that money and give to all of the charities in the world.'' Miss Bermuda Islands, Diana Mitchell said: "My gift would be a generalised one. Because I have been in South Africa recently and have seen what little the children have there, I would like to give them everything -- clothing, food, education -- anything that would help and benefit them.'' KBB President Mr. Barry Brewer replied: "I would give a blank cheque to the Ministry of Education to allow Bermuda's next generation to have the absolute best school system in the world, bar none. And I'd like to quote Henry Kissinger, talking about advantage, who said `If we do what is necessary, all the odds are in favour'.'' President of the Bermuda Society of Arts, Maria Evers Smith said that her present would be for all mankind, not just one person: "My Christmas gift would be to give everyone the ability to walk softly upon this earth.'' Businessman and promoter Mr. Eddie De Mello said: "If I was the richest man in the world I would give the money to George Bush to pay off the US deficit.'' Bermuda College student Edmund Robinson , who starred as Sinbad in this year's pantomime: "If I could give everyone a gift for the Christmas season, it would be to give them the word of God so that they could come to terms with who they are and to receive eternal gifts.'' Sen. Trevor Woolridge's thoughts were with those who were terminally ill: "Specifically those with AIDS. I would spend the money endlessly to find a cure.'' Artist Robert Bassett , well known for his colourful, modern paintings, is also a preacher at the Church of Christ.

"I would like to help one person, first and foremost, and that person would be Jesus Christ.'' Explaining that his church had two congregations, he said,"If I had lots of money (which I don't) I would supply all the money that would be needed to complete the building which the Sandys congregation is presently building in Somerset. At the moment they have to worship in a rented building.'' Mrs. Lucy Willitts , who worked alongside Mother Teresa in India earlier this year, was torn in her choice.

"I would love to help Mother Teresa in her work, but I would also like to contribute a large sum to the people who are suffering in Bosnia and Croatia.

Somalia seems to have been taken care of now, but people are ignoring the agony in what was Yugoslavia. I read in The Royal Gazette that a 12-year old child was raped, repeatedly, and the father forced to watch -- and the rest of the world just seems to stand by. It would be nice if I could buy the UN an army, to enable them to sustain peace in the world.'' Mr. Tom Butterfield of Masterworks, in similar mood, reflected for just a moment before answering, "I would like to bring the gift of peace to the many places where wars are taking place -- Yugoslavia, Ireland and Somalia spring to mind. Peace is the biggest charitable gift we can have. And if there was any money over, I would like to travel to see these places, as I understand that, without war, they are all beautiful.'' Bermuda's oldest war veteran, Capt. Bobby Burcher , who is in his 95th year, declared: "I would choose the elderly. I'd buy everyone a bible. That's a beautiful gift.'' From St. George's Councillor, E. Michael Jones came a wish for ailing NADA chief and Youth to Youth coordinator, Mr. Calvin Ming: "I would like to bestow on him the gift of health.'' Even comedian Bootsie was in a serious frame of mind: "I would give a gift to the whole Island and invest the money in a Civic Centre for the performing arts, a building that could be used for all kinds of functions.'' But Mr. Sean Dill of Not the Um Um Show fame had this to say: "I would buy two huge yachts. On the first one I'd put all the House of Assembly and the Senate. On the other one, I would place the BIU and the Bermuda Hotel Association. Then I'd stick them out in the middle of the ocean and leave them to fend for themselves. In a situation that forced them to operate, they'd have to co-operate.'' Mr. Andrew Trimingham replied: "It is not printable -- and I won't say to whom it is given!'' Mr. Eddie De Mello Mr. Robert Bassett Mr. Andrew Trimingham Sir John Swan Miss Diana Mitchell Sen. Trevor Woolridge Mr. Barry Brewer Mr. E. Michael Jones Dr. Sydney Gibbons.