down on illegal immigrants, told employers to prove they're practicing racial equality, now they're laying down the law in a bid to prevent consumers from getting ripped off.

Self-employed contractors are buzzing with the shock news straight from DOGS Minister Terry Lister's mouth on the talk show yesterday that they will soon be required by law to become certified in their trade, whether it's plumbing, painting, building or electrical work. A number of perturbed tradesmen who've "been in business for years'' called up the show wanting to know just what type of questions they were going to have to answer? And where are they supposed to get certified? Well, according to consumer affairs chief Karen Marshall , they will have to attend a "national training centre'' at the Bermuda College. What's more, they will be required to actually draw up proper contracts for each job they do. No word on how much this certification will cost the poor small businessman. But heck, at least the consumer will have a leg to stand on if his contractor disappears midway through a job.

A surprise letter has given a whole new meaning to Bermuda's apparent `snail mail' post. But it's being blamed on a naughty post mistress rather than general mailroom slack. Hester hears community activist and Bio Station staffer Helle Patterson was taken aback on November 6 when she received a letter in the post that she'd originally sent out to the local address, 39 Rocky Lane, Hamilton Parish CR02, on May 19, 1995! The letter was marked "Return to Sender'', apparently failing to reach the person it was addressed to despite the fact he still lives at that address -- and it's minutes away in the very same parish that Ms Patterson resides. Don't fret. Postmaster General Clevelyn Crichlow has an interesting explanation: "We had an examination of the Post Mistress at our Crawl Post Office. She was moved from that position. There was a sizeable amount of undeliverable mail that she just stuffed into a box. I ordered the new Post Mistress to mail it all out. That is why Ms Patterson received the letter on November 6.'' Hester was intrigued to learn that Premier Jennifer Smith has added another achievement to her dazzling resume.

Pride of place at the swank new Zurich Centre has been given to "A Day at the Game'', an oil painting Ms Smith supplied to Masterworks, who have in turn lent it to Zurich to adorn its offices at the new Waterfront Building on Pitts Bay Road (lots of brownie points here boys!).

During a cocktail do to celebrate the building's opening, Hester managed to slide past the army of security people "protecting'' the courtyard for reasons known only to them, to visit the boardroom in which the painting hangs.

She must report that it is a very fair effort indeed. Oil is a difficult medium, and the Premier's portrait of a mother and child at Cup Match -- or should that be Emancipation & Somers Days? -- is a convincing evocation of a family enjoying the almost 100-year-old tradition. Gazing at the portrait, while sipping the finest Champagne (Hester has a taste for it too -- she needs brownie points as well), she wondered why so many of Ms Smith's achievements begin with a `P': poet, painter, Parliamentarian, and Premier.

Hester certainly knows what a thankless job being a reporter can be.

But added to the frustrations her fellow hacks must endure is public relations people who are afraid of the Press.

A busy week it was for the Police Service with Operation Jamaican Grill, a murder and two road deaths! So it was that Hester's newsroom pals were on the horn constantly to the cops seeking more info to write their stories.

But what's a journo to do after hours (crime isn't always a nine-five thing) when both the Police spokesman's home numbers were mysteriously out of order.

Try the Commish Jean-Jacques Lemay himself? They did, but his number is unlisted! So much for the Police Service's snazzy new "vision'' for the 21st Century, which states, and Hester is quoting directly here: "The communication process is open, honest and respectful...it flows effectively, both internally and externally.'' Speaking of communication, Hester was perplexed to read a press statement from BTC advising that due to a "power maintenance upgrade'', BTC's main number was to be temporarily out of service for a day. Surely in this day and age of amazing technology, even BTC could find a way to be contactable during routine repair work; call forwarding perhaps? Hester wonders if the great `dreadlocks ad' debate that seems to be preoccupying our politicians of late is ever going to end. As it dominated last Friday's Motion to Adjourn, we had Government MP Delaey Robinson again, at length, explaining his decision not to accept Dusty Hind's peace offering at a failed reconciliation attempt earlier in the week. (Mr. Hind placed an offensive ad on behalf of `friends of Pam' in the run-up to the last election).

It would have been "an excellent opportunity for a white man to acknowledge the error of his ways'', Mr. Robinson declared, expressing disappointment again that the former ad exec did not want to reveal which clients, or "cowards'', put him up to it. Then this week, we had rebel Opposition MP Trevor Moniz chastising Robinson for using the ad for "political opportunism''. He contended, also, that while the ad was certainly offensive, "Mr. Robinson and his party rode to the election on the crest of the wave of the backlash it created.'' But if anything's amusing in the whole saga, Hester had to chuckle when she read Mr. Moniz's two cents: "I think his hair style actually looks good and I only wish I have as much hair as him when I'm his age.'' Just how old is the dapper looking Delaey? Hester shall endeavour to find out!