spicy aromas of the intricate Indian cuisine virtually seep through the screen''.

However, after viewing with increasing irritation this tortuous tripe I was reminded more of the tasteless, stodgy fare served up in the average British school canteen.

And, like school grub, this film has a tendency to repeat on you.

But the blurb writer unwittingly got it right when he said the steamy plot would make your eyes water -- I was indeed bored to tears.

Maarya is the femme fatale of the piece arriving at widower Vijay's Montreal restaurant and wowing him with her wonderful cooking.

But she weds Vijay's son Ashish in an arranged marriage made even more uncomfortable by Ashish's homosexuality.

Even when Ashish's boyfriend turns up drunk at the ceremony, Vijay still doesn't cotton on. Maarya is left in no such doubt as Ashish leaves the marital bed on the wedding night to return to his lover's arms.

Vijay urges his son to make the effort to fall in love with Maarya but it's clear it's Vijay who is the smitten one and the pair eventually get it together as the father cuckolds the son.

By this time Ashish is growing fond of her although we are not shown how or why -- it just seems like another device to add even more melodrama to the overly-wrought plot.

There is nothing in the way of light relief although there are some excruciating scenes in which one character laughs hard at something totally unfunny until the other character inexplicably joins in.

This first happens when Maarya, who begins the film as a florist, mentions that one of her floral compositions is called Freedom Without Choice.

This phrase crops up repeatedly as the film's characters chew over India's rigid social structure.

The climax occurs when Maarya's brother turns up from the homeland -- she's so upset so what does she do? She beds him as well. Understandably this doesn't go down too well with the new in-laws.

But despite all the bed-hopping this movie is the opposite of erotic.

Scenes stretch out interminably until they reach their predictable conclusions.

Amid all the unhappiness Maarya blurts out to her two and a half suitors that she's pregnant -- this was undoubtedly supposed to be a scene stealer but after nearly two hours of this nonsense I couldn't help but laugh.

I am sorry if I have spoilt the plot but remember you have Freedom With A Choice -- and if I had the chance again I would choose not to go and watch this drivel.

There are a few further twists at the end but if you want something truly spicy head for The House of India -that's a far better way to spend ten bucks.

Matthew Taylor REVIEW REV MOVIES MPC