in their own homes by family members, it was claimed last night.

They are perhaps the most silent of domestic abuse victims, too ashamed and afraid to speak out about the beatings and emotional torment dished out by their so-called loved ones on a frequent basis.

Society is unsympathetic towards men who may become the target of aggressive women. They are considered the stronger of the two sexes and are expected to solve their own relationship problems.

And most people would think violence towards seniors unthinkable, especially by their own children.

So it is no wonder many cases of abuse against men and parents go un-reported, say experts in the field.

Even those incidents that are logged are very often the subject of little or no action.

John, not his real name, has finally separated from his wife of eight years after suffering regular attacks, and even threats on his life.

The father-of-two, who lives in Sandys Parish, has suffered numerous bruises and a broken nose in countless beatings from his wife, which he claims were often unwarranted.

At 35, he said he had been left feeling depressed, frustrated and ashamed.

But more than that, he said he felt completely alone, believing that nobody would take his situation seriously.

Even in talking to The Royal Gazette about his situation, he was terrified of being identified for fear that people would mock him.

"For a long, long time I would put up with the attacks because I wanted to keep my family together,'' said John. "I love my children and could not bear the thought of living without them.

"I am their daddy and I wanted more than anything to be there for them -- even if it meant sacrificing myself, my welfare and my happiness.

"I came under attack often from my wife for little or no reason. She couldn't help her temper and the aggression was always targeted at me.

"I found it very difficult to talk to people about it because they didn't understand and didn't believe that it could be that bad. Her family took her side.'' John said it took him a long time to realise the extent of the abuse.

"When she hit out, sometimes repeatedly punching me in the face, I would try to restrain her, but I even worried about that because I didn't want to hurt her,'' he said.

Men victims of spouse abuse "I knew that if it came down to it and she had even one small bruise on her arm from where I had held her off, people would think that I had attacked her, rather than the other way around.

"I never even came close to hitting her back. I loved her, and still do.'' The couple have been separated for almost one year, which means John does not see his small children as much as he should.

He said following the threats on his life, his lawyer warned him to stay away from her home, so he must rely on her to bring the children to him, which does not always work in his favour.

Even now, he would take his wife back into their home in a desperate attempt to re-unite the family.

He added: "I never had anybody to turn to. There must be other people like me who need help and advice.

"I think Police and society should be more sympathetic to men who are subjected to domestic abuse, but it is very hard for officers to just come into a situation on the spur of the moment and know what is going on.

"I really don't know what the answer is.'' Lawyer for The Women's Resource Centre Susan Moore-Williams gave legal advice to three men during the first six months of this year who claimed to be suffering domestic abuse, although most of her clients are women.

But she said she has also spoken to elderly parents who suffer at the hands of their grown-up children.

She said: "These are both very serious scenarios and are quite real problems.

"The real fear for men is that they will find themselves being interviewed by Police and suspected of causing abuse themselves, therefore they choose not to report incidents.

"The same goes for parents who are being abused -- they don't think they will be believed, so choose not to tell.

"Children abuse parents, women abuse women, men abuse men. What about gay men who suffer domestic abuse at home from their gay lovers? "These are all people who feel unable to talk about their situations. Society needs to change its perception of what domestic abuse is about.

"We must address the biases. At the moment in Bermuda, a man who is attacked by his girlfriend or wife is probably told `what's the matter, why can't you get your woman in order'? That is not the answer.

"These are the areas that need to be considered when we are looking at domestic violence legislation. It's not just there for women, but also men.

"Domestic violence should not just be dubbed a women's issue -- it's a general issue.'' If you are suffering domestic abuse, or have been subjected to it in the past, call reporter Karen Smith on 295-5881, extention 260. Callers can remain anonymous, if they wish.

Ashamed and depressed: Father-of-two John said he felt disillusioned and alone after suffering domestic abuse at the hands of his wife for years.

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