Babies (up to one year of age): Babies are unable to understand rules and should never be punished. Once babies start to crawl, you can gently say "no'' and take them away from a trouble spot. The most important thing to remember at this stage of your child's life is his or her need to feel safe and to learn that they can trust you to be gentle and caring. Yelling at babies scares them. It is never okay to shake a baby; even spanking can be dangerous.

Toddlers (one year to three years of age): Toddlers say "me do it!'' They want to do everything for themselves. The key at this age is to let toddlers do what they can. While they cannot cook, they can feed themselves. While they cannot tie their shoes, they can bring their shoes to you. Toddlers break things and get into trouble by mistake just trying to do things on their own. Whenever possible give them choices. "Would you like to wear the red socks or the blue sock?'' Also, you can distract them. "Look at what I have over here!'' When toddlers do wrong things, it is okay to tell them no and gently remove them from the situation. It is also a good to tell them what they can do rather than what they CAN'T do. "You can colour on the paper but not on the walls''.

Preschoolers (three years to five years of age): This is the stage of the "why?'' "Why is the sky blue? Why do birds fly?'' Because preschoolers are so curious, they can get themselves into lots of trouble. Stay calm. Explain why what they did was a mistake. "If we put too much water in the sink, it will spill on the floor and ruin it.'' They need limits to keep them safe and to teach them what is important to you and your family. But they also need to be free to explore. Their curiosity may be hard on you now, but curiosity is often the sign of a good student.

School-age (five years to thirteen years of age): This is the age when children decide what they can learn to do. School children need to learn to think for themselves. All children make mistakes and misbehave. They are trying to find out how this world works. They can help you set limits and help you figure out what is a fair thing to do it they break a rule.

If they have a say in their own discipline, they are more likely to obey the rules, to use self-control, and to accept what happens if they do not.

Teenagers: Teenagers are bursting with feelings of independence. They are sure they can master the world. It makes sense to give them more independence. But they are not adults and still need and want limits and help. Some parents set harsh rules because they think they have to be strict. Others set rules because they do not want to argue. Together with your teen, set fair rules. Listen to each other. Explain your rules. "I will not let you go to the party unless the parents are at home.'' Teens need their parents support and love.

Contact Parents Anonymous of Bermuda at 292-6148 to join a parenting group, volunteer your time or for additional parenting ideas, tips and guidelines.