many churches are making pre-marital counselling a required step on a couple's way to the altar. "We feel that marriage should not be entered into merely on the basis of emotional desire; that it was initiated by God,'' explained Pastor Carlyle Simmons, president of the Bermuda Conference of Seventh Day Adventists. "It is very sacred and in that light we require a number of pre-marital counselling sessions.'' According to Rev. Robert Thacker of St.

Mark's in Smith's Parish, such counselling sessions are required by the Anglican church. "We don't conduct the marriage ceremony if they don't go through the counselling,'' he said. "We require a minimum of three pre-marriage counselling sessions, sometimes more depending on the situation.

We talk about various family backgrounds as these are really important in forming values, and especially important as they form their own family.'' Similarly, the AME circuit also stresses the necessity of pre-marriage counselling. Explained Lorne Bean, assistant pastor at St. Paul's AME Church in Hamilton: "We look at the basic arrangement and we explain to them that marriage is a covenant. As such, it includes a third party. It's not just a bond between the two of them, they are actually in league with a third -- God, and therefore, must be faithful to two parties, their spouse and God. As part of its counselling sessions, the Roman Catholic Church seeks the help of already married couples, asking that they share their wisdom. "What comes across from the married couples is how to build a good relationship and the pitfalls and the separations that can happen where people are not on the same wavelength,'' said Bill LaFlamme of St. Patrick's in Smith's Parish. "They are exposed to at least eight or nine visits.'' Involving six sessions, it is structured so that couples are counselled over a six week period during Lent.

"We talk about communication, extended families, raising a family, finances, values, spirituality and marriage preparation itself,'' he said. "We've had guest speakers from Government come in and talk with them about buying their own homes, about renting, about insurance policies and so forth. As part of counselling offered by the Seventh Day Adventist Church, partners list and discuss any fears, anxieties or worries that they might have regarding the marriage. And a roles exploration asks couples to realistically indicate which partner they think will do any of a number of things such as earning the income, making major purchasing decisions, or cleaning. Couples are also provided with a list of suggested readings. This, combined with the counselling, is usually sufficient to place the couple in good stead. A post-wedding session sees that they are continuing along the right track. The importance of planning and communication is stressed by both Anglican and AME churches as well. "In (our sessions), we talk about communications, communications techniques and problem-solving techniques,'' said Rev. Thacker.

"We make certain they have really talked about their finances together and have everything worked out as to who is responsible for what. We also talk about the importance of spiritual growth together showing it to be just as important.'' Added Rev. Bean: "People must look to the future with `What if the marriage doesn't work out?', and it is a worry. But we encourage growth in faith and church attendance and this immunizes against infidelity and mistrust. And we also say that if you really honour your covenant between the Lord and yourself, you will have extra assistance in helping achieve.'' PHOTO Beryl and Kenneth Young 1936 Mark and Barbara Robinson 1953 Ismay and Gerald Deshields 1939 Joan and Roy Dismont Sr. 1951 Thelma and Howard Ebbin 1953