Assembly would dare dare accuse her of being, well, a bit slow shall we say.

Nevertheless it would seem that her recent trip to the UK to discuss highly important matters of the day with all those stuffy civil servants must have left our leader feeling a little jaded.

For it would appear that she missed the starter's gun when she was scheduled to meet Bermuda's Olympic heroes at a celebrationary luncheon yesterday afternoon -- keeping our sailing superstars under starter's orders for more than half-an-hour before finally turning up.

Happily Hester can report that the jet lag was short-lived. For Madam Premier had hardly finished her first course before she shot out of the starting blocks at a cracking pace, straight into a waiting car to be whisked off to some other important function.

Youth and Sports Minister Dennis Lister was left to provide the congratulatory speeches and pats on the back.

Hester wonders if it was being in the presence of our noble Olympians which gave Jennifer her blistering turn of pace.

Hamilton's latest nightspot, Blue Juice, certainly seems the place to see and be seen at the moment, so not surprisingly, yours truly has become a bit of a regular.

But while Hester finds it an ideal location for picking up those snippets of gossip, she is sad to report that the watering hole must be suffering a computer glitch with its cash registers at the moment.

Recently Hester decided to treat a few of her working-gal-pals for a bit of light refreshment after their hard day's toil in the office -- poor things -- and thought that a cool glass of Chardonnay would perk the pair up.

But after spending a pleasant hour catching up with all the latest news Hester was momentarily speechless when presented with a bill well in excess of $100 -- and even more surprised to see that one of her colleagues had been charged for knocking back an amazing 15 glasses of wine.

Now Hester is never one to make a scene and, really, who can put a price on a satisfying hour out with the girls? Alas, one of her companions was having none of it and immediately confronted the barman, who insisted his maths was correct.

"If I had had 15 glasses of wine I doubt if I would be able to stand, never mind argue with you now,'' came the swift and unanswerable reply.

Needless to say the bill was more than halved and quite right too. It's the first time Hester's known a cheque to be more staggering than her drinking companions.

A male friend of Hester's got stopped for speeding recently. No complaints there officer, at 52kmh it was a fair cop as they say.

He was however curious to note that the fairing of the big shiny Police motorcycle was covered with stickers. No, not Police stickers but the ones that pack racers place all over their bikes! Even more curious was the "Bell'' sticker that took pride of place right over the motorcycle's rear light -- completely obscuring the red reflector.

Hester's friend considered pointing out this obvious flouting of highway regulations to the offending officer...and then realised it might not be a good idea under the circumstances.

Perhaps there is some truth in the old adage, "it takes a thief (or pack racer), to catch a thief.'' While The Royal Gazette does its utmost to use The Queen's English throughout its pages (and sometimes fails), don't blame the paper's hard-pressed hacks if the odd slice of Bermudianese slips through.

A recent press release contained, among other gems: "...since the commissioning of there new Wise 70 ton marine hoist'', "The installation has bought new prosperity to the Dockyard'', and "Shown her is the Danish training ship''.

Hair care has always been close to Hester's heart. But while her immaculately coiffured locks are forged in intensive sessions at the salon she recognises the chaps take a less formal approach.

Even so one male acquaintance was puzzled to find a comb he bought recently came with its own set of instructions.

The blurb on the packet usefully informed the user, "sturdy comb feels good in your hands''.

But Hester's favourite was "carry one in you pocket for convenience''. The thought had never occurred.

And speaking of dumb notices Hester has always been amused with the sign, often seen on cars, which say: "For Sale by owner.'' Clearly the sign "For sale by opportunistic thief'' wouldn't prove much of a selling point.