Headquarters failed a basic fitness test that even Hester thinks she could huff and puff her way through.

Maybe the new recruits are not used to the humidity -- or it could be because they have put on a few extra pounds? In fact the finger of blame could be pointed at the Police Commissioner Jean-Jacques Lemay. Hester hears he ordered that sweets and even flowers be placed in the rooms of each of the 21 recruits who arrived from the West Indies.

Considering that the test has been made easier every year for our slightly squidgy and out of breath retired officers to be able to finish the course, it apparently raised more than a few eyebrows in the Police Recreation Club that the Police officially said it was "not in any way unusual'' for new recruits to fail the test at first. Yeah, right.

Hester does not know much about these things, but some of her young relations cannot seem to stop laughing whenever they see or hear the term "gang'' published in connection with one or other incident that pops up involving bands of youths skirmishing. Why do they find it funny? Because they say these "wannabe gangstas'' wouldn't last a second in any of the "hoods'', `barrios', "ghettos'' of the Americas or even those spots of urban degeneration contained in Great Britain. Baseball bats? Machetes? Warriors don't have time for trimming hedges and playing ball games. Nor do they go home to mamma every night, sleep on soft beds, watch cable TV and have a square meal on a regular basis.

Anyway, Hester's young relatives suggest that a fitting punishment for the dozens arrested in last week's raids would be to drop them in the middle of any real place of urban degeneration and see how fast they come running home to mamma. Hardcore? Hester thinks not...probably just a bit too much Black Entertainment Television.

The way some civil servants talk, Hester really wonders how they are allowed to take home the fat cheques they make every month. Just before the Cup Match holiday Hester was on hand as one openly bragged how she would get two extra paid days of holiday in return for picking up a new plant manager for the Tynes Bay incinerator. The woman said she would simply transport the new arrival to his accommodation, but was not expected to take him to the plant or fulfil any other function. "There was no-one else anywhere who could do it so they had to give me what I wanted,'' the woman said.

Of more concern to Hester is that a top civil servant seemed to have no problem sanctioning the holidays. Perhaps Works & Engineering should be alerted to the fact that local taxi drivers can be booked in advance to transport any newcomers to the Island straight to their accommodation -- and they don't even demand a day off or two.

Former Warwick Academy headmaster Dr. Joseph Marshall recently took credit for the success of well known Bermudian high-jumper Clarence Saunders."When I told Nicky to jump,'' said Dr. Marshall, "he said `how high?' and I said `seven feet'.'' Hester also hears that Nicky should soon be jumping on plates over in Greece at his wedding slated for next week. Hester hopes to at least get a pic of the event.

Hester sees that our very own Raj Tolaram has "arrived'' on the New York social scene, caught in the "Evening Hours'' social section of last Sunday's New York Times. Ooh la la. A suave Mr. Tolaram, the man behind the shop 12 Reid (formerly called Tolaram's, which had a huge closing down sale, then opened straight back up with virtually the same stock and a new name), was seen sweeping across the floor with socialite Stephanie Rockwell at a fund raiser for Southampton Hospital on Long Island on August 5. Organisers managed to squeeze more than $1 million out of the party's 1,200 guests. You do the math. (Well, maybe not. $1,000,000/1,200 equals about $830 per person, minus the cost of the pre-requisite champagne and caviar equals considerably more than $1,000 a head. You go Raj.) Wet T-shirt competitions? Women in grass thongs? At the Sonesta? Why wasn't Hester invited to shake her thang? The party for the Summer Jam last year was obviously a memorable occasion for rapper Glamma Kid, who just described the event in an article in the British Guardian newspaper. His rapping, which has seen him shoot up the charts in the UK and US, landed him on MTV and made him a pretty penny on the way, only won him a pineapple and teddybear in Bermuda.

Hester is hardly surprised after he confessed his improvised lines at the time were: "I'm number one in your karaoke, I'm originally from Stokee''.

Hester has always felt there was an air of mystery, even other-worldliness, about Puisne Judge Vincent Meerabux. On her rare forays before the courts -- as an interested observer you understand -- she has marvelled at the way he processes into the courtroom, arms tucked inside the sleeves of his red robes in a Monkish fashion.

Some recent legal gossip which reached her ears has left her even more perplexed. Apparently lawyers refer to the learned judge -- out of earshot, of course -- as `Yoda'. Whatever could they mean? The rumour mill is stirring again that Director of Public Prosecutions Khamisi Tokunbo may be losing yet another advocate. As the saying goes, to lose one is a misfortune. To lose two is careless. What would Oscar Wilde say about losing five in five months? Still, Hester likes to see that the top dog is keeping a close eye on the staff that remain. He has been sitting in on even the most mundane of court cases observing junior counsel in action. With a dramatic flourish of a creaky Magistrates' court room door, a recent Plea Court session was graced with the sight of Mr. Tokunbo, sauntering in. While Senior Magistrate Archibald Warner and the prosecutors ignored him, one gets the sense he is watching them all intently. It keeps them on their toes. Or maybe he was just guarding the door.

Speaking of Magistrates' Court, Hester has noted a steady stream of men exiting the women's restroom there in recent months. She went to investigate to find the door to the men's room locked and had been for some time.

It may be very French to share facilities, but Hester would rather have her own space. Also Hester has noted that certain broadcast reporters have ceased drinking coffee in court. She wonders whether it's the cutting looks from magistrates or the threat of contempt of court that finally got to them.