the Caribbean with a hilltop wedding thrown in? Steve Mundy opts for the laid-back approach.

Party of six, including bride and groom, up high on a hillside gazebo overlooking a postcard-perfect bay in the US Virgin Islands; that was the wedding. Champagne and bare feet on the beach afterward; that was the reception. Sound good? Read on.

Forward planning: minimal. Florists and caterers: none. Bridesmaids and their dresses: uh-uh. Ditto, ushers. Family: each other (and in our case my wife Isabella's 12-year-old son from her previous marriage).

Witnesses hotographers: two good pals with whom we'd been sailing the beautiful British Virgin Islands. Preacher: a sweet and mellow Lutheran with a simple but enduring message. Honeymoon: already in full swing, having begun two days earlier when we picked up our 42-foot Beneteau in Tortola.

And that was that.

If you're a woman, particularly a married woman or one now ensnared in the machinations of "traditional wedding'' plans, I'd bet dollars to navy beans you're smiling wistfully at the above scenario.

"Mmmmmmm,'' you're thinking. You're right. "Mmmmmmm,'' describes it to a tee. I'm no sexist. Men are every bit as romantic as women (Not!). But when describing our wedding it's invariably the women who respond most enthusiastically. Especially the married ones. The conclusions to be drawn are that women are more romantic than men, or they're simply less embarrassed about expressing it.

Or, when it comes to "traditional wedding'' plans, the greatest bulk of the work falls on their delicate shoulders. Hence the envious and quite common response: "God, I wish we'd done that.'' Followed by a heart-rending tale of stress ("My mother was just impossible!''), disappointment and outrageous expense.

Months of planning. Nerves frayed and raw. Finally "that special day'' arrives; the day when you're given the privilege of feeding and liquoring your family, your friends, and many of their friends. Much kissing, many handshakes, speeches, dance, toss bouquet, fling garter. Oh, exchange vows.

It's not uncommon, I am told, for women to pass through this day completely unaware of all that's going on around them. "I was just glad when it was over,'' they tell me. "It's not really for the bride and groom, it's more for the family,'' they say, somewhat sheepishly.

Debra Williams, who owns wedding service Fantasia Occasions, based in St.

John's USVI (far too much red tape for spontaneity in the BVIs), says her first contact with a prospective couple is usually with the woman. "What happens is the women start calling, but by the time we've negotiated it all and it's time to start paying, the men get involved.'' Williams offers a virtually unlimited range of weddings, from the basic $295, one-week-notice service on the beach (which she herself performs) to a $30,000 event complete with villa with personal chef for the run-up week, then yachts, or helicopters, to whisk the party to a private island ceremony. "If somebody wanted it within a week we could arrange it all on the phone and have everything ready on arrival,'' says Williams. "We'd have the champagne chilled and the cake waiting.'' The advantages are obvious. "It's really personal,'' she enthuses. "It's a lot easier on the couple. You don't have to deal with all those stresses which take away from the final moment. You just have to be in love ...

"It's becoming a very popular thing to do. We get a lot of people who've lived together and do this as a big surprise for the family, or sometimes they bring the family along. It also avoids a lot of the financial burden, combining it all, wedding and honeymoon,'' she adds.

And getting there is half the fun. Bareboat charter. What a rugged and romantic expression. Just boat, roguish crew and blue water. Arrr. To "go bareboat'' it's pretty much a must that at least one of the group be an accomplished sailor. In our case, Capt. Tom filled that bill. A real Bermudianpirate. Arrr. My wife's 12-year-old son, first mate, had three years of White's Island summer sailing under his belt. Little arrr.

There was concern our crew would be considered by charterers Sunsail too novice to bareboat, that we'd be forced to take along a professional for at least the first few days. Not only would that cost extra, but would certainly dampen the intimacy of our cosy little group.

The plan was for the complete novices to make themselves scarce while Capt.

Tom and anyone who knew port from starboard to interface with the Sunsail rep.

It was unnecessary. We forgot. This was the islands man. Relax. Enjoy.

Sailing the BVIs, maybe not particularly challenging for salty dogs, is a great introduction to the sport. There was always good wind. The only rules, apart from those of the sea, are no night sailing and stay within the USVI VI territorial waters. (Hopes for a quick jaunt to Haiti soundly dashed.) Lazy days and boozy Caribbean nights. Get up early, skinny dip (speaking for myself). Coffee, big breakfast, make sail for beautiful, often secluded bay, drop anchor, refreshing dip, highballs. Sometimes take the `dink' (dinghy) into shore for lobster dinner. Before-bed drink on the deck, under the stars.

Sleep soundly, rocked by gentle waves. Repeat sequence. And again. And again.

..

Though we went in August, low season, many of the bars and shops at the touristy spots were open, but not crowded. On Jost Van Dyke, the guitar-strumming proprietor at Foxy's beach bar, on hearing we hailed from Bermuda, launched into a clearly well-rehearsed song chronicling the tale of Teddy Tucker and his emerald cross. At Tortola, in the Last Chance saloon, the soundly-drunk owner performed a number in "Chinese'', mumbling gibberish into his microphone, which was enhanced by an echo-making machine and speakers all round the room. The effect was, well, startling.

Ed Hamilton, a yacht broker in Maine, says a 40-foot bareboat charter, which will sleep two couples, will run about $1,500 to $1,800 a week (eight days, seven nights) per couple in the high (winter) season.

As with the weddings, prices vary a lot depending on your tolerance for luxury. For example, for $6,000 a week you can take a 50-footer which will accommodate eight people easily. For the less adventurous a fully-crewed boat will run about $1,200 per person. That includes all meals prepared for you and an open bar, says Hamilton.

Using a broker, he says, can save some of the pitfalls. "It's very difficult to tell from ads in the backs of sailing magazines how strong the company is and what condition their boats are in. We're not tied to any one company at all. And we don't cost any extra. We book hundreds and hundreds. Besides seeing the boats ourselves, we get masses of feedback. We get a very good idea of who's doing well.'' There it was. Wedding and honeymoon in one relaxed, romantic and fun package.

Mothers may cringe at the thought, but don't you believe it. They just wish they'd thought of it themselves. Canadian Steve Mundy is a sub-editor with The Royal Gazette.

COST: YACHT, 42 foot Beneteau, three cabins, ten days..........$1,795 PROVISIONS, five people, seven days (including booze)....$1,104.95 TAXES....................................................$185 ONE NIGHT SLEEPOVER......................................$125 TOTAL....................................................$3,209.95 WEDDING (Hibiscus A Package..............................$425 TOTAL....................................................$3,634.95 CONTACTS: Fantasia Occasions, Debra Williams.......809-777-4529 Ed Hamilton and Co., Yacht Charterers....207-549-7855 Married life on the ocean wave: Steve and Isabella Mundy exchange vows in the USVI.

RG MAGAZINE MARCH 1993