finds it refreshing to hear one `keeping it real' as the young people say last week during the motion to adjourn in the House of Assembly (fools on the Hill to some!). After a typical stormy address at lightning speed by Tourism Minister David Allen , defending Government policy and taking shots at former Tourism Ministers David Dodwell and Jim Woolridge , the UBP's John Barritt bravely stepped into the fray, with the comment of the day which made things all the more bearable to the poor Gazette hacks who have to cover it verbatim.

"I say this about the Tourism Minister -- and I say this tongue in cheek,'' Mr. Barritt declared to a rare silence in the House, "I can't help but think he is someone who speaks at 270 words a minute with gusts up to 340!'' Shouted Mr. Barritt's colleague Michael Dunkley : "Yes, with occasional showers!'' Members on both sides of the relatively full chamber, anxious to go home after a marathon 12-hour session, burst out in laughter. Hester wonders if they all saw a little of themselves in the comment.

The BMDS has certainly put the pants back in the pantomime! Hester always arranges her hectic social diary to ensure she does not miss this annual extravaganza. It's such fun -- the outrageous dame is such a hoot, and there's always an array of slapstick comedic characters. But this year Hester could not help but notice a whole new tradition is on the rise. BMDS bad boy Markus Staebler , cast as the villain two years in a row, showed the audience -- once again -- that he's oh so much more than just a pretty face. Last year, as Matt Vinyl in Old Mother Hubbard in the Wild West , a nicely fitting pair of black leather trousers was definitely in keeping with the role. This year he was cast (dare we say, type-cast!), and very appropriately, as the Big Bad Wolf, and the leather pants were back. Grrrrh! Admit it, BMDS boys and girls, this year those trousers just had to be gratuitous! Perhaps BMDS should consider changing the panto rating to a PG, or even R! While near-monopoly BTC continues to whine about its profits shrinking due to attempts at competition, Hester has learned the phone company is not only quietly making big bucks off the exploding number of cellphone users, but also the Internet! Hester hears more than a few company memos have been circulating about the more frugal Hamilton businesses of late, urging employees to spend a little less time on the Internet emailing long lost ex-beaus and planning their holidays, because the corporate phone bill's gone sky high.

Actually, Hester noticed her own phone bill's getting a little exorbitant (and certainly not from surfing naughty sites like ZipX.com!). Upon making a few inquiries she learned she's not the only one. A BTC rep noted a number of startled residents have called up lately for print-outs of calls because their bills have shot up. And almost always, the rep, says, the number appearing most often is Logic's or North Rock's . So for the record, BTC gives residents 50 free calls per month, and charges 20 cents for each additional call. Each occasion you get on the Internet to surf or email, counts as one call (think of all the times you've had to re-dial after being annoyingly disconnected!) There is some good news for Internet junkies though: residential wireless Internet is on the way in 2000 which will enable you to get on the Internet without having to go through BTC by installing some home receiver contraption.

The BSX and certain local companies are doing little to reassure Hester that Bermuda will see in Y2K without a hitch. Scanning the BSX Daily Trading Report in this paper for her share prices and to see when her next dividend will be paid, Hester was quite disturbed to read the date listed for her Watlington Waterworks dividend payout was 1/17/1900. Likewise for the BF&M dividend, the date listed was 1/14/1900. This is precisely why companies have been paying mega-bucks for Y2K experts to make their systems 2000-compliant...so computers don't misread the year 2000 as 1900, reverting back 100 years and causing them to crash or produce wrong information! Now on the other hand, the Bank of Bermuda appears to be going to great lengths to reassure the public, mailing out a glossy Y2K Q&A leaflet to customers advising them the bank has spent $4 million on becooming fully compliant, e.g.: "Q. Will my money be safe through the Year 2000? A. Your money is much safer in a bank account than anywhere else. Q. Even given all the testing that the Bank has done, surely you can't allow for every eventuality? A. No.'' Hester knows that companies are obliged to say that, but she can't help thinking that it is all rather like the airlines assuring us this week it's safe to fly because they've told planes to fly a little farther apart on New Year's Eve.

Finally, Hester can't sign off without wishing Labour Minister Paula Cox well this weekend as she ties the knot with her man, a dashing chap from Cameroon.

The wedding takes place at the Cathedral on Saturday and, naturally, Finance minister Eugene Cox (her dad) will proudly be giving her away. Alas, Hester's sure the honeymoon will be over far too quickly for Paula, who is still pushing for the Police to be given the go-ahead to recruit from overseas...but keeps getting blocked, by PLPers including, she's told, The Colonel . Personally, Hester wonders just how many recruitment drives the Police are going to have before they finally call it quits. Remember, only 17 out of 100 applicants qualified in the last one.

Gusto: Tourism Minister David Allen