Barritt in his Mid-Ocean News essay on being forced by the new Government to endure a far too long and wasteful Parliamentary session. Upon examination of the minutes, the reflective MP noted the House met 31 times, adjourning before lunch one third of the time and even at 10.30 one particular morning -- and they start at 10... (Hester wonders if he checked those minutes when the UBP was in power!).

Anyway, in reviewing the contentious funeral limousine debate, Barritt, noting Bermuda was to get "a girt big 24-foot stretch limousine'' because of the wishes of one undertaker, cryptically went on to remark: "Who do you think is really going to benefit from stretch limos? And why should they just be limited to funerals? A degree in rocket science isn't necessary to see where we are headed.'' Hmmm. Barritt has disappeared on holiday so Hester coudn't call him on it. But what goes better with a bottle of bubbly than a limo? Incidentally, Hester hears the Premier has wasted no time in having Works continue the previous Government's inquiries with a couple of local car dealers about replacing the aging Beamer, though in fairness her sources say there's been no mention of ordering a limo...yet.

Hester knows that The Royal Gazette hasn't always been the favourite reading matter of the PLP with Sen. Milton Scott and The Colonel rarely passing up an opportunity to let rip. However bow-tied backbencher Dale Butler has taken a distinctly more media-friendly approach with Royal Gazette journalists Carol Parker Trott, Nicole Williams-Smith and Cathy Stovell all being sent beautiful bunches of flowers. One hack was puzzled to get a floral tribute for a piece that hadn't even mentioned Mr. Butler.

Strangely the Gazette's male reporters have yet to receive similar tokens of appreciation but Hester's sure Mr. Butler's egalitarian sensibilities won't tolerate such unequal treatment for much longer. Meanwhile, Hester herself is partial to yellow roses.

About that "big celebration'' BTC held last Friday for its early retirees, the company appears to be downplaying it, but Hester hears management was caught quite off guard by the large number of staff over 55 who couldn't wait to quit their jobs of more than 20 years. Perhaps it was the $25,000-to-$60,000 cash lump sums plus their robust monthly pension packages that gave as many as 31 out of the 38 Bermudian workers offered early retirement a darn good reason to take it up (Hester hears BTC expected about half the 38).

But some say life at the new BTC just ain't what it used to be, one staffer describing it as "a misery''.

You know Hester likes to keep her ear to the ground. Not only must she do the social rounds, but she must diligently monitor the local media. Of course she loves reading the Gazette and doesn't mind scanning even the Sun, and the Workers Voice when its staff are not on holiday.

Unfortunately it also means tuning into the radio talk shows from time to time, which one must admit have their fair share of nutters calling in. Hoping to catch a snippet of hot gossip she turned her radio dial to 1340 this week for David Lopes' and Linda Mello's shows -- and thought she'd come upon the AM equivalent of the Discovery Channel. The topic was toads (not taken to mean our MPs). More to the point, why there are no toads or frogs in Hester's beloved St. George's. Apparently, East Enders are deeply troubled that none of the amphibians are lurking in their front yards at night (God knows why).

Alas, she learned from the "local frog a-xperts'' who called in that there's no conspiracy of the highest order going on. The consensus of the "a-xparts'' is that our frogs are simply too afraid to cross the bridge -- and they won't leapfrog it to the Old Town either. And after two whole afternoons of croaking on about this fascinating subject, a kindly frog-loving woman called in to offer to bring "beercases' full of live frogs from her yard over to St.

George's''.

And she did too, according to a couple of delighted St. Georgians whose yards are now toadaly flush with those lovable frogs. Personally, Hester suffers acute batrachophobia and hopes they don't come anywhere near her house! They may like to portray themselves as the hard-headed party of business but Hester is learning there's a softer side to some of the UBP's movers and shakers.

Shadow health minister Kim Young recently wrote to the Gazette over some weighty matters concerning the hospital, and couldn't resist mentioning that it was her "daughter's birthday today!'' when filling in the dateline at the top of her fax. However, the proud mum displayed somewhat less than maternal feelings for Health Minister Nelson Bascome and Hospital Boards chairman Raymonde Dill who she proceeded to lash throughout the rest of her missive.

People in Bermuda must be making so much money they can't keep track of it, because foreign accountants appear to be in high demand right now.

Scouting around for a reliable tenant, Hester found half a dozen "chartered accountants'' seeking apartments in the daily's wanted to rent ads this week.

The telephone number given by at least four of them was for Minister Terry Lister's old firm Deloitte & Touche . But don't expect a call from Hester anytime soon, a boring accountant, or for that matter, a "professional non-smoking male/female with no cats, dogs, kids...or life'' is the last person she wants as a tenant. Nah. She'd much prefer an "unreliable, freelancer, chain smokes, with five cats, pet python, plenty of children, likes to party and bring men home''. Hey, at least you're getting an honest tenant!