This story is about a woman who sought the assistance of The Physical Abuse Centre (PAC) because her partner is abusive. She is not the first, and certainly will not be the last. As she sits there with tears rolling down her face, her story begins.

*** "I lived with my partner for a few years. When we first started dating, I liked the fact that he claimed me. It made me feel good that he found me attractive and that he wanted me. At that time, he was very supportive and bought me a lot of presents.

He was always in the public eye, so looks were important to him. He wanted me to dress a certain way so we looked good together. I went along with that, but he became more and more controlling. I had mixed feelings about his controlling nature, but I grew up believing that men were supposed to have the power in the household, that the man was the master in his home. I believed a woman's role was to maintain a neat home, be well organised, and make good meals. I thought these domestic things were a reflection on me as a person, as a woman.

He insisted that I make the bed right after we got up in the morning. After dinner, especially if we had company over, I had to clean the dishes immediately after we ate. He would give me a certain amount of money each week and, if it wasn't enough, he made me show him the receipts. At the time, none of this seemed unreasonable. Of course today, as I sit in the PAC counsellor's office, I recognise how controlling he was. I know that his expectation that a woman should be subservient was wrong.

The first time he hit me was after we got home from an event. Some of the men were talking and putting women down. They were saying things like the only way women get ahead is by sleeping their way to the top. I got into an argument with them and my partner pulled me away and said, `Who the f... do you think you are? Don't you ever talk that way in front of my friends again.' He was upset with me because he believed what these guys were saying and he didn't want me speaking my mind and embarrassing him. All the way home he berated me, telling me I was stupid and worthless. When we got home, he slammed me up against the wall and punched me several times. Although he apologised later, he told me that he wouldn't tolerate his woman asserting herself.

The violence continued and I finally told him that if it didn't stop I was leaving. He said the only way I would leave would be in a body bag. I stayed because I was afraid of him, but then I finally made the move. We were arguing about my leaving and he hit me in the face with a wine bottle and knocked out most of my teeth. He waited five or six hours before he took me to the hospital. There I was, dazed with my teeth hanging out and my face completely swollen, listening to this man apologise. I called the police from the hospital as well as the Physical Abuse Centre. I left after that happened and was escorted to the PAC Safe House.

I'm not sure this man is capable of change. I'm sure he's battering another woman today. His whole existence was having power over women. In a strange way, I think he got off on the violence.

I'll never forget how he treated me. Because of him, I see all men as a threat to me. Sadly, even my male sons are a threat, because of their size and the way boys and men socialise. As long as men have power over women I'll be resentful. I'd like to be in a relationship at some time but it's something I can't visualise because of those experiences.'' *** To Our Readers: In reading this article, do you find yourself in a similar situation? Are you involved in a violent relationship? DON'T WAIT UNTIL IT GETS OUT OF HAND!!! Call 292-4366. Help is available.

The Physical Abuse Centre is a part of the Family Resource Network, which consists of The Coalition for the Protection of Children, The Institute of Child & Family Health, P.A.R.E.N.T.S. and The Father's Resource Centre. The agencies joined in 1998 to better service families with a common goal and shared vision.