A man taking his kid for a walk shouldn't be a social oddity.

Yet, when National Men's Day speaker Dr. Michael Connor took his baby granddaughter for a walk in the park, people stopped to take photographs.

"My granddaughter was in a pack on my back," said Dr. Connor, who is coauthor of 'Black Fathers – An Invisible Presence in America'. "This girl came up to me and asked if she could see my pet.

"I said 'that's not a pet, it's my granddaughter'. She said, 'oh, can I take a picture? I'm not used to seeing men with their children'. I asked her where she lived because I see men with their kids all the time."

Dr. Connor was in Bermuda this month to speak at National Men's Day at Bernard Park organised by Phenomenal Women.

He is a child psychologist and California State University Long Beach professor emeritus.

His book, co-written with Joseph White, seeks to clear up some of the negative stereotypes surrounding black fatherhood.

"I was suggesting that if we really want to find out why kids in the third grade read at third grade level, let's look at the third grade," he said. "Let's not look at the kids who don't because they are going to tell us what the deficits are."

Unfortunately, Dr. Connor had trouble finding funding, because most agencies wanted him to focus on the negatives surrounding black fatherhood.

"I felt I had an obligation, as a professional, to present a different viewpoint," he said.

"The literacy is full of studies that talk about cultural deficits, negatives, inappropriate behaviours, pathologies, etc.

"I was working with a population and I didn't see much of that.

"It's not that it didn't exist, but it wasn't what I was seeing. I started wondering if this was another stereotype that the folks doing the research wanted to perpetuate."

Dr. Connor said that even after he received funding people were still negative about the project.

"When we finally got this rolling, they were telling me that black men would not come and talk with me," he said. "I talk to black men every day so that wasn't a problem."

The book discusses various research that is out there about fathers, particularly black fathers, programmes that are in place to help fathers, struggles and competencies, and also Dr. Connor's own experiences.

"The primary thing that is out there is that by definition being of African descent there are certain cultural deficiencies that one has," said Dr. Connor. "I think if you are deficient of a culture you are dead.

"If you are alive you have a culture. If you look at the research being published it talks about African American males not being present in the household, that they are marginally involved, they are engaged in criminal activities.

"There is a subset of the population that is doing that, but it truly is not the men I work with. This is across the board from professional men to men struggling to get by financially."

Dr. Connor said it was important to really look at what black fathers were doing.

"They really are engaged," he said. "There is no doubt that there is a large number of children in our community who are in single parent households."

But he said even when biological fathers were absent there were often other men taking up the shortfall.

"We call these social fathers," he said. "They may not be biological but they are engaged in doing father sorts of things.

"As we identify men who are doing good fathering, we need to acknowledge that and learn from it."

Dr. Connor said he grew up in a household where men were engaged.

"Neither of my parents graduated from high school," said Dr. Connor. "But they had a very solid work ethic.

"They were very clear about what they expected of us. I have a Phd and my brother has an MBA. Whatever they were doing, they were doing correctly."

He also had three uncles and a grandfather who were involved in his life.

He said growing up in a family mostly of men, it was surprising to have daughters, and then granddaughters.

"I was surprised when my wife presented me with a daughter. My father had all sons and my brother had sons. That was an interesting journey. It has been fantastic. I wanted five daughters. My wife said if I carried them she would do that. So we have two daughters and two granddaughters, ages ten and three years old."

Dr. Connor believes that when it comes to children, men can do anything women can do except nurse and give birth.

"I have daily, ongoing contact with my daughters and granddaughters," he said. "I ask men to engage with talk on a daily basis. Talk to your kid in utero."

Dr. Connor teaches a course called 'fathers and fathering'. It is one of very few courses in America about fathering that comes with college credit. Forty-five percent of students in the class are male.

He has also written a programme for the state of California called 'The Role of Men'.

This was about trying to offer services for men as fathers who wanted to engage or re-engage with their children.

"We offer hands-on training, give them direction and some reinforcement," Dr. Connor said. "When I was writing the book, I had the occasion to go across the nation looking at some other programmes. So I included a few other programmes in the book."

The programme teaches that vocational training is secondary to daily parenting activities.

"Usually, when people talk about the father's role, it has to do with bread winning," Dr. Connor said.

"In the United States you have to bring in a certain level of income or by definition you are incompetent. That would suggest to men that don't have a lot of money, 'I don't have a job, I can't do anything'. So that is what they do – nothing.

"In our programme, we talk about vocational training as being secondary to your ongoing daily parenting activities. We train the men that once you make a child you are a parent.

"Towards the end of the training, we will talk about vocational issues. These are primarily about family sustenance. It doesn't matter what you make but what you are doing with it."

The programme also talks about vocational issues, paternity rights, responsibilities, obligations, and interacting with children.

"The major issue that runs through all of it is that you have to develop a relationship with the child," said Dr. Connor.

Dr. Connor advised fathers who wanted to reconnect with their children after an absence, to get their lives in order first.

"First of all, I'd want to know why you want to re-establish the relationship," said Dr. Connor. "If it's because you feel guilty, then I say, your child is not a therapeutic tool. If you have guilt, then you have to work through that first.

"Are you going to be consistent now? You have to understand that this child may reject you. Begin with an apology. You may have to apologise tomorrow, and the next day and so on.

"If you haven't been there for twelve years, then you have twelve years worth of apologies to make.

"Understand this child has a right to be angry. You deserted him or her."

Dr. Connor has been a professor and child psychologist since 1971.

"I am about to retire from teaching, and will probably do more consulting," said Dr. Connor. "I have a contract to write another book."