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Disagreement over rent threatens son's education

Dear Annie: My 20-year-old son from a previous marriage lives with my husband and me. "Jacob" is in his second year of college and maintains a B average. He has worked the same part-time job since he turned 16 and pays all of his own bills, including car insurance, cellphone and basic necessities. Student loans cover his tuition. He is a terrific kid, never disrespectful, and is loved by everyone. When my husband and I married six years ago, we agreed that as long as the kids were full-time students, they could live here without paying rent.

Unfortunately, my husband recently changed his mind and feels that Jacob should pay for his room and board or move out. He is quite aware that in order to do this, Jacob would have to find a full-time job and might need to drop out of school.

I have talked to my husband until I am blue in the face. I raised my two children on my own and have often been complimented on the wonderful job I did. Jacob is rarely home to eat meals and doesn't cost much to maintain.

We are financially secure and don't need the rent money. This situation has turned into a power struggle and is causing a major problem in my marriage.

Jacob is not yet aware of the disagreement behind the scenes, but I know he has always thought my husband dislikes him, and there may be some truth to it. Is there a possible compromise I haven't thought of? – Tug-O-War

Dear Tug: Jacob sounds like a great kid, and it's too bad your husband doesn't appreciate him. Can Jacob pay a nominal fee that would placate your husband and not break the bank? Would your husband, in his eagerness to get Jacob out of the house, be willing to cover room and board in a college dorm? Although we are in favour of adult children paying a reasonable amount of rent, in this instance, your husband is wrong. The two of you had an agreement, and he is reneging.

Dear Annie: I send out handmade cards to friends and family for their birthdays, anniversaries, etc. It hurts my feelings when I take the time to make an individualised card and the person doesn't mention anything to me about it, not even "Hey, I got your card!"

If I receive a card, I like to contact the person to say thank you and let them know how thoughtful it was. This is how my mother raised me. Is there etiquette for this type of thing? – Constant Card Sender

Dear Card Sender: The proper way to acknowledge a card is with a phone call or an e-mail. If you see someone to whom you have sent such a card, it is perfectly OK to ask whether it was received. However, we believe the amount of time and effort you put into your cards makes the lack of acknowledgement particularly hurtful. Scale back.

Dear Annie: This is in response to "Out of Concern", whose neighbour has body odour even though she bathes.

I am a nurse and had a co-worker with relentless body odour. She had gone to several physicians, but with no relief. She tried every type of deodorant and changed her clothing and soap, but nothing helped. She finally found an "old-time" doctor who told her that her problem was a zinc deficiency. He put her on a supplement. In a few short weeks, she lost her body odour.

When I was growing up, my mother used to tell us that zinc deficiency was responsible for "stinky" feet. When my son was on the wrestling team, his tennis shoes were banned from the locker room because of the horrendous odour. I gave him zinc, and his feet stopped smelling.

People who have inadequate nourishment and poor diets often have lingering body odours, even with proper hygiene. – Hope this Helps

Dear Hope: Thanks. Before taking zinc supplements, please see your doctor.