Dear Annie: Three months ago, my husband and I accompanied my 71-year-old mother to our home in California. She was released to my care because the authorities in Pennsylvania felt she could no longer manage on her own.

She has a history of mental instability (bipolar) and prior to her release had been hospitalised for mental evaluation five times in three months. Our intention in bringing her here was to see how she managed. We planned to ultimately convert our garage into a small apartment so she could be close by but still maintain some independence.

What we've observed is someone who does very little for herself and basically goes from the sofa (to watch TV) to the table (for food), to the bathroom and back to the sofa. That's her entire day. My husband and I both work and have to travel a great deal. We tried leaving Mom alone for a few days and it was a disaster. She stopped taking her meds, found some old wine we had forgotten about, got drunk, fell and injured her foot.

My husband and I are exhausted from waiting on her, and while she recognises that we both work very hard, she does nothing to help. We've told Mom she can't manage on her own and have nixed the garage conversion. I have toured several assisted living facilities in our area. Even if we supplement her Social Security income, it's only enough for a shared living arrangement. She doesn't want that.

Mom says she is going back to her apartment in Pennsylvania. My husband and I feel it is a very poor decision, but we also know she can't stay here. Should we take her back? – Torn in San Pedro

Dear Torn: And do what? Leave her? Mom is incapable of living alone and will resist any attempt to change that, but it has to be done. Call the Eldercare Locator (eldercare.gov) at 1-800-677-1116 and ask what services are available in her area or yours. Look into a home health aide through the Visiting Nurses Associations of America (vnaa.org). Check references for a live-in companion who will watch her for a small fee plus room and board. You sound like a caring daughter. Please don't give up on Mom because she is making it difficult.

Dear Annie: I am really bothered when people use words that are not part of the English language (as I was taught by my mother and teachers), such as "stupidest'', "theirselves'', "hisself" and "funner'', to name a few. Have times changed so that these words are now accepted as proper English? – Sharon

Dear Sharon: Of course not, but poorly educated people don't know any better, and unless they are your children, you are not allowed to correct them in public, no matter how tempting. Sorry.

Dear Annie: You are right about "Amber'', who lost a writing contest in school because another student handed in a plagiarised paper, but I am sorely dissatisfied. The teacher called her a liar and her father beat her.

My heart goes out to Amber for all these years of suffering with the gnawing pain of that terrible incident. I hope she has shown them all by her successes since then. If not, it is time for her to start writing again, pampering herself and being all she can be. Maybe sending the plagiarised books won't garner an apology, but it warrants doing something. Is her father still alive? If so, she should send him 10 copies of the book. If he is dead, he should get 10 copies dumped on his grave. – Judy

Dear Judy: Amber really struck a nerve with our readers who wanted somehow to punish the teacher, the other student and the father. But we were especially gratified by all the letters telling Amber to stay strong, that our readers believe her and stand by her, no matter what she chooses to do.