You're not `in love' anymore.

Slow erosion of relationship and becoming uncomfortable with the familiar, secure rhythm of the mature relationship.

Not to be confused with general boredom.

DIFFERENCES More differences than commonalities (i.e. activities, friends, interest, values, inability to find common ground, make compromise or negotiate in good faith).

Polarisation around key issues.

CONSTANT CONFLICT Majority of conflict feels like being at war -- repetitive and without purpose. The same issues or instances are used as weapons.

Most discussions escalate to opportunities to express anger and rage.

INVALIDATION When partners fail to recognise, understand and support each other's needs.

Partners don't feel valued for their individuality or uniqueness.

WITHDRAWAL Distancing ourselves emotionally from our partners and moving away or `exiting from the relationship'.

Holding back communication, intimacies, affections and our feelings.

Putting more physical, emotional and spiritual energy in something or someone outside the relationship.

AFFAIRS Sexual exclusivity in our most significant and primary relationship keeps it sacred, special and unique. When one partner breaks that arrangement, sex (an important binding element in a relationship), loses its ability to bond.

Affairs are usually symptomatic of another major underlying issue/problem in the relationship or symptomatic about the quality of the relationship, not about individual character.

Provided by Lorrie Peniston at Transitions.