Today had been going well until I dropped a piece of sushi into the soy sauce from a great height. It's not as if I was eating sushi at the top of a ladder, but it seems that dropping it from mouth level is enough to cause a desktop tsunami. I now have soy sauce all over my keyboard, notes, screen and phone. I also have an interesting new soy sauce design on my shirt. Perfect. Exactly the look I was going for.

This got me thinking, although I generally LOVE food, there are instances when I hate it. As I'm feeling particularly moody – watch out lovely husband! – I thought I'd share these with you. So here you go; from a normally good-natured, food-loving nutritionist, here's 10 things I hate about food – and why:

1. Not worth the calories

There's nothing more annoying than throwing caution to the wind, eating something naughty for a change, but then realising it just wasn't worth the calories. A double-chocolate muffin can sound fabulous but if it's dry or heavy then it's a huge disappointment. What's even worse is that we usually end up eating the whole thing anyway, deciding it wasn't really worth it at the precise moment we swallow the last crumb. At treat-time, I'm a chocolate and chips girl and have learnt this lesson the hard way. Worth the calories: Lindt bittersweet chocolate, Cape Cod potato chips. Not worth the calories: Bourneville chocolate, cold French fries.

2. Empty calories

We do have to be careful about using calories as the ultimate marker of whether or not something is healthy. I get so annoyed when I see something marketed as "low-calorie" and yet it's also completely devoid of any nutrients. 100-calorie Snack Packs are usually a good example of this. Try finding something good on the label! This is when low-calories become "empty" calories and the danger is, if you only eat low-calorie, artificial foods then your body will still be left craving essential nutrients. And if you're craving nutrients you will remain hungry. So make calories count! Aim to get the maximum nutrition possible by choosing whole, natural foods: fruit, veg, wholegrains, good fats and sources of quality protein.

3. Asparagus pee

I love asparagus but I do hate the little reminder I get that I have eaten it. Asparagus can make your pee smell odd. According to the authors of 'Why do men have nipples?' – why indeed? – the reason is that asparagus contains a sulfur compound called mercaptan. This is also found in onions, garlic and – this may explain why I don't like it – rotten eggs and the secretions of skunks. The signature post-asparagus scent occurs when mercaptan is broken down in your digestive system. Not everyone has the gene for the enzyme that breaks down mercaptan, which explains why some people can produce asparagus pee and some people can't.

4. Beetroot poo

Don't worry, I'll get off the toilet theme soon, but whilst I'm on a roll ... beetroot is certainly rich in magnesium, iron, beta-carotene and other carotenoids (antioxidants), but it can also discolour poo, turning it an alarming shade of red. Further, it can turn your pee red, but this will depend on the acidity of your stomach. The more acidic your stomach, the less likely you are to see pink pee. Being somewhat of a hypochondriac, I'm not a fan of anything that turns my pee or poo red for even a nano-second. And I think beetroot tastes like soil. So there.

5. Dealing with food intolerance in restaurants

Years ago, whilst overcoming a bad case of IBS, I found out that I had a problem digesting dairy products. This ruled out many of my favourite foods immediately – cheesecake, lasagna, cheese, milk chocolate, cheese … did I mention cheese? – which was a little depressing. On the other hand, the symptom relief was immense. I find it very easy to handle these days as there are so many dairy-free products on the market, but I do still find ordering in restaurants tricky. Whilst many restaurants are very accommodating, I've lost count of the number of times I have explained that I can't have dairy, listing milk and cheese as examples, only to be presented with something drizzled in yoghurt. I was even earnestly told by a waiter at an otherwise great Indian restaurant, that the chicken tikka kebabs were dairy-free despite being marinated in yoghurt. The logic behind this? "Oh the yoghurt burns off on the grill." Hmmmm.

6. Artificial sweeteners

I'm a natural food fan and that means that artificial sweeteners are about as nasty as things get in my book. If they were effective at helping people lose weight then that would at least be a plus in their favour. However, as the distribution of artificially-sweetened foods and drinks has become more prolific, so has the obesity epidemic. Of course, you can't say that they are causing obesity and neither can we say that diet drinks claim to manage weight from a stand-alone perspective. But labelling anything as "diet" or "sugar-free" due to the artificial sweetener content is also to lead someone to believe these substances are healthy. In fact, artificial sweeteners must be detoxified by the liver and regular intake can contribute to headaches and fatigue. If you consume artificial sweeteners regularly, try the following to help you lower your consumption: 1) Xylichew chewing gum from Rock On or Down to Earth which is sweetened with a more natural substance called xylitol and 2) Agave syrup from Down to Earth, Supermart or Lindos which is a natural sweetener that can be used in place of honey or table sugar. Careful though, as these both still maintain a "sweet tooth" which perpetuates cravings. They are a good compromise though.

7. Sorbet that melts faster than you can eat it

I took Jasper for a walk yesterday evening and treated myself to a low-sugar organic sorbet-popsicle from Miles along the way. All very relaxing and healthy until I stopped to chat to a neighbour for a few minutes, at which point the evening sunlight melted it in a matter of seconds. I tried to keep up but it's a little embarrassing to attempt a landspeed record for eating sorbet in front of your neighbour. Especially when you're discussing weight loss. And you're a nutritionist.

8. Gherkins

Some of you may know, but the lovely husband and I are childhood sweethearts, and have been together for an epic 14 years – at least that seems a long time when you are only 31. We've withstood the test of a long-distance relationship multiple times over, but nothing has shaken our very foundation more than my husband's love of gherkins. I can only think of two things more disgusting – pickled eggs and roll-mops. It took me a long time to learn to accept I was in love with a gherkin-lover, but that doesn't mean I have been converted to the way of the gherkin, I've simply learnt to tolerate them.

9. Not being Martha Stewart

I really enjoy cooking, but there are times when I have to admit I'm not so hot in the kitchen. I like to experiment with new recipes – especially things that I make up as I go along – and occasionally I hit on a winner. The night I hit on the idea of stirring hummus into pasta and spaghetti sauce was a perfect example of this. I wanted to add some vegetarian protein to the pasta and sauce and I wondered if the hummus would work – it did!

It may sound odd but it's surprisingly tasty – just add one dessert spoon of hummus per person. However, the night I made chicken in a blueberry sauce has been carved into our domestic history. The chicken went bright purple and tasted rubbish. Of course I'd experimented with Bermuda's most expensive fruit and at $99 a box, or thereabouts, I was sad to throw it all away.

10. Dropping your sushi in the soy sauce

Update: The soy sauce addition to my outfit has now spread far and wide and seems intent on taking over the whole of my shirt. Time to run home and change I say, but what are my chances of getting to the car without seeing someone I know? This is Bermuda after all. Oh well. Here's hoping!

The advice given in this article is not intended to replace medical advice, but to complement it. Always consult your GP if you have any health concerns. Catherine Burns is a fully qualified Nutritional Therapist. She can be contacted at clinicalnutrition@gmail.com.