Q: While my brother and sisters are at work, I help my retired parents look after my siblings' children — family A: nephew nine years; family B: niece five years and nephew nine years; family C: niece two years and nephew three years.

Recently, I have found that my five-year-old niece seeks a lot of attention from us adults, even more when the younger ones need our attention, such as at bath time. She doesn't like to play with the older kids as much. She'll play with the younger ones more, and at times, she'll act younger than her age.

When the older kids are around, she stops what she's doing and reverts or changes to act her age. Her older brother is just the opposite. He'll spend almost all his time doing his own thing or playing with his nine-year-old boy cousin.

I had a similar problem with my other nephew who is an only child. A few years ago, I confronted his mom (my sister) and she verbally had a go at me.

I don't want to make the same mistake by saying anything to offend my sister until I have an idea of what is really happening here. Can you help me?

A: You've probably guessed the dynamics taking place among your nieces and nephews already. Your two nephews, who are age nine, are perfect playmates for each other, but neither is likely to want to spend much time with a five-year-old sister or cousin.

Perhaps, they babied her before family C's preschoolers were in the playgroup, and she no doubt enjoyed their attention as well as yours and your parents.

Now, the adults are busy with the preschoolers and she's too old to be babied by the nine-year-olds or the adults.

We can assume she has the difficult role that is similar to the infamous middle child of a family. Her regressions into babyhood and her bids for attention from adults — when they're busy with the little ones — sound like normal wishes to capture attention.

There are many things you can do to help your niece find positive attention again. You can ask her to be the big girl helper with the little ones. Sometimes that results in the helper becoming a little bossy, but perhaps her leadership is more appropriate than her regression to acting babyish.

If you or one of your parents can give her some one-to-one attention for a little time each day, that can also help restore her confidence. A third possibility is to allow her to have a playdate with a girlfriend from her class or the neighbourhood.

It will probably be easier if she has a playmate than if she's the odd child out.

I don't think you have to worry the girl's mother about this issue, but as caretakers, it's a good idea to be sure that your five-year-old niece doesn't feel left out of the cousin relationships.

If the boys include her from time to time and the adults include her for attention or for helping, she'll undoubtedly adjust better.

There's hardly a child that doesn't regress to being babyish from time to time, but do try to help her find the appropriate positive attention she's seeking.

While she must gradually learn to share attention, your kind assistance can help fine-tune her relationship to her little cousins, much as her older brother and older cousin have adjusted to her.

With so many adults taking care of these children, it's critical that all of the adults are reasonably united in providing similar discipline and guidance. It's wonderful that you and your parents can be so helpful to your siblings in caring for their children.

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Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting.

More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com.

Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimmsylviarimm.com.