Question: How many years of grade skipping would you consider acceptable? I worry about the social aspect of acceleration and being exposed to much older children when my child is socially immature. Where do you find the balance of providing the appropriate curriculum and social environment?

Answer: There are only a small percentage of children who should be grade skipped, but research confirms that for most children who are actually accelerated, their grade skips had long-term academic and social benefits. Many very gifted students find better matches for their social maturity with older peer groups.

Every decision about skipping a child has to be made carefully and individually, and some gifted children benefit by multiple grade skips. While it's true that children two, three and four years younger than their grade peers may not be the social leaders of their classes, it may only eliminate the likelihood of being invited to the best beer and pot parties. They will typically find a "nerdy" peer group who enjoy music, art, maths or computers. They also could make close friends in a youth orchestra, debate club, scouts, a religious group or by attending summer programs in their areas of interest.

Although highly gifted children share plenty of similarities with other kids their age, they also often have different interests that motivate them in highly intellectual directions — they can thus share friendships with kids that love to learn. I agree that it's important that children have some balance in their lives, but there are many ways to achieve that. I recall one 13-year-old lady who was a college junior, played volleyball with other 13-year-olds and had friends with a variety of ages. In her case, she lived at home and not on campus. She was planning to take a year off to study abroad before entering medical school because she would be too young at age 15.

Another accelerated young man would have been ready to enter college at 16, but he chose dual enrolment instead. While taking college courses, he could still participate in high school social and sport events and live at home. He planned to participate in graduation with his high school class.

There are actually many possible choices for children who require extreme academic challenge. Sometimes these highly gifted children feel as if they don't quite fit anywhere. If they're with same age classmates, they seem strange because they are so smart and have unusual interests. If they're skipped, they also seem a little different to their classmates because they're so young and know so much. They often become more socially comfortable when they attend universities than they are in elementary, middle and high schools.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com.