Question: My wife has tested our son three or four times for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and other things. She seems to keep looking for something that's wrong. I don't see it. All the ADHD evaluations have been found to be negative.

Answer: If your wife has arranged for three or four different tests for ADHD, and all have turned out to be negative, it's unlikely that your son's problem is ADHD. Yet she must be hearing from teachers that he has some kind of problem or she wouldn't likely be pursuing continuous testing. You should begin by asking your wife why she assumes that your son is having a problem. You could agree with her after she explains it.

It's possible that your wife has higher expectations for your son than she should, but your expectations aren't high enough. Boys typically prioritize their dad's expectations over their mom's as part of identifying themselves as males. So for example, if your wife is telling your son he should be working harder or doing better work in school, and if you might possibly be saying to her — within his hearing — something like the following: "Leave him alone. He's doing fine," this could be enough for your son to underachieve and not do his best in school.

While I can't tell you for sure whether or not your son has a problem, I can encourage you to be united in giving your son a clear message about the importance of working hard in school and always doing his best. Take an interest in what he is learning and expect high grades. Say good things about his teacher and his mother. Hopefully, they will return the favor. When parents are respectful of each other and also respectful of children's teachers, children are more likely to do better in school. Successful adults typically believe that their parents had high expectations of them. Of course, too high expectations can cause unhealthy pressure. Doing the best they can is more appropriate than doing the best in the class in order to avoid too much pressure.

High achievement in school is the best predictor of success in life. While we would agree, there are plenty of exceptions — a few high school or college dropouts who manage to be successful and some high achievers in school who don't find success in life. The overall data on the relationship between good school achievement and success is very convincing. Research continues to find that the fewer years that students accomplish in school, the more likely they are to be unemployed or working at low-wage jobs. And the higher students achieve in their education, the higher their median salaries are. Income is not the only measure of success, but it does contribute to the quality of life — it actually beats being jobless.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio and the author of many books on parenting. For more on raising kidsgo to www.sylviarimm.com.