Q: Do you have any advice for parents of a child who seems to be regressing in behaviour? Our seven-year-old girl alternates between acting like a trash-talking teen and a three-year-old who meows instead of talking. Regular conversations are rare. There are lots of unusual speech patterns. Are they just for attention?

A: I'm betting that your daughter's attention-getting talk is related to a sibling, cousin or new friend. If it's a teen sib, that can explain the trashy talk. If it's a younger sib, it would certainly explain the meowing. If she's caught in the middle, both types feel called to get your attention. The meowing is best handled by ignoring it. Redirect the conversation by reminding your daughter to use her words when she has something to say.

If there's no teen trash talk she's imitating at home, look to either bad TV or a new friend she's learned it from. Depending on where you think the teen talk is originating, you can ban the TV, redirect the friendship and give your daughter a timeout for inappropriate language.

It isn't enough to ban the bad stuff. You need to add some special good times with your daughter, no matter how busy you are. If you can give her 15 minutes alone before bedtime and one outing a week, she may feel positive enough about herself to decrease most negatives until they virtually disappear. If I've guessed wrong at the causes and my advice doesn't change things, see a counsellor for more specific advice. There could also be school, friendship or stress issues that are changing your daughter's behaviour, and it's easier to nip problems early.

Q: My son is 4½ years old. Three weeks ago, we moved him from a small in-home day care to a day care centre. Since then, he has started throwing uncharacteristic tantrums over seemingly small things. The teacher notified us that he's not participating in class activities that involve gross motor skills, such as "Signing Time", getting their "wiggles out" after read-aloud, dancing, etc.

I am a gifted and talented specialist and recognise several gifted characteristics, such as early reading and perfectionism, in my child. His teacher, my husband and I would be very appreciative of any insight you might provide regarding his reluctance to participate and how to encourage him. We want him to feel a part of the group and to be successful in what he does.

A: Your son may only be adjusting to sharing attention with other children. Very bright children who are accustomed to adult attention for their unusual skills sometimes struggle when they must adjust to participating in activities where they don't feel as competent. He may expect himself to do things perfectly. Dancing and singing may feel comfortable to children who have been at day care or preschool before.

A good way to help your son adjust is to include some of these new activities at home. Perhaps, he could show you how his new friends get the "wiggles out" at school or he could perform some dances for you. Once you value these activities at home, he may feel more comfortable about participating in school.You'll probably also want to use some simple rewards, like stickers for his participation days at school. The teacher can send you notes to confirm his behavioural successes.

Another helpful solution could be to invite a new friend from his class to your home for an occasional playdate. Once he develops some close friendships, he may be more willing to join the group in their activities.

Dr Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com.