Question: How do you convince your ten-year-old math whiz to take his time and show his work neatly, especially as the math gets more complex?

Answer: Teachers spend considerable effort to encourage speed in math during first through third grades, while children learn their math facts. That is appropriate because speed with those foundational math facts seems to predict eventual math accomplishment and confidence well.

When students move from simple math facts to more complex math problems, there needs to be a change in pace to more careful and thoughtful work. Unfortunately, that transition is often hard to make for kids who have attached their competency to being the first ones done. Writing neatly and carefully absolutely slows them down. I expect that your son's teacher has already made that clear, but you'll certainly want to reinforce that message.

You could suggest that your son do a little scientific experiment with you. For the first week, encourage him to do his homework at his usual fast rate and together record the grades he gets on a chart. For the second week, you can volunteer to check his math homework. If it seems sloppy and careless, ask him to review it carefully and correct his mistakes. Indicate to him the number of errors you see, but let him find them and make the corrections. Help him record his grades again on his chart.

For week three, have him carefully check his work himself, so he doesn't become dependent on you. Now compare all three weeks. If his grades are lower with speed, point out that he needs to do a better job checking. If his grades are as high the third week as the second week, you can congratulate him and say that he's achieved advanced checking status. Try not to make this new approach into a battle, but instead encourage his careful self-evaluation, so he can earn the confidence that comes with high achievement and good quality work.

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Question: I read the letter from the grandparent that said her grandchildren didn't write thank-you notes. I have a great-niece who is now 11 years old. A few years ago, I sent away for a Curious George computer item. I later learned my great-niece loves to read the "Curious George" books. I gave the Curious George item to my sister to give to my great-niece.

A few days later, I spoke to my sister and great-niece on the phone. I asked my great-niece if she enjoyed the item. She said yes, and as we were talking, she thanked me for the item. I don't know if my sister or my great-niece's mother prompted her to say thank you, but she did say it. My great-niece is shy and quiet.

Answer: Parents are often so busy in our culture today that they may not take the time to remind children of the importance of saying thank you when they receive gifts. Observations of children's play spaces also remind us that even children from families with lower economic means have many – and perhaps too many – toys. The combination of busy parents and children with many possessions can lead children to take their gifts for granted. Children may feel entitled to them instead of remembering to express gratitude.

It's obvious that you really cared enough to share something special with your great-niece. It would have been better if she had written you a note or called to thank you, but since she didn't, I expect your asking about the gift was just enough of a reminder. So, she took the opportunity to thank you. Your reminder served two people and two purposes. I'm sure you were glad to hear the thank you and your great-niece was undoubtedly glad to be reminded to thank you in such a casually and non-embarrassing way.

Actually, a third or even fourth person — your sister and the child's mother — probably appreciated your reminding her, as well. All of us would like to teach children to be appreciative, and if the children of this generation require a little nudging, I see no harm in such gentle reminders.