Dear CarlaI was introduced to my child for the first time years after they were born. The mom says that she doesn’t need my money but wants me to spend time with child.After paternity testing confirmed that the child was indeed mine, I subsequently started giving the child money on my own free will.Amounts vary as I have other children but I always give my child something. The mother is aware of this and because of her illegal habits she has begun to take my child’s money (child is under 16) and use it for her own personal gain.When I learned that this was becoming a regular practice, I questioned my child’s mother and she responded very aggressively and defensively.She says what she does is her business and I need to stay out of it. She then asks me to give her more money.I told her “no” because I am stretched to the limit and I give what I can.She then put me in the Family Court system for formal child support payments. I showed up to the hearing and she doesn’t.The court dismisses the case, she files again. Again she is a no-show. Now she is limiting my access to my child and refers to him/her as “hers”.She says I must ask her permission to see the child first. I respect her wishes and when I do ask, she says it is our child’s decision but when I reach out to our child, they say that his/her mother says she must be asked first!I am so frustrated by her behaviour that I have decided to take her to court this time. Am I wrong to do this? I am so tired of her telling people that I am a deadbeat when I’m not. I love my child.REAL FATHERDear Father,No, I do not think that you are wrong for putting her in court; after all she has taken you three times. Seems like she was using the system as a weapon against you.She seems to be trying to play you for a fool. Don’t let her take advantage of the situation.How does your child feeling all of this as they seem to be used as a pawn. This is so unfair to both of you.If he/she hasn’t already, they will see what their mother is really about. You didn’t say whether or not you still give your child money.If you haven’t done so already, go and open up a guardian bank account for your child and deposit the money there.That way he/she can have sole access to it. I hope it all ends well with you. You are to be commended for stepping up to the plate and facing your responsibility.Dear Carla,I have been married to my spouse for over 15 years. Prior to the marriage he was very kind and affectionate.We went out together and enjoyed each other’s company. Now we never go out together. I receive no gifts, flowers, hugs or any affection at all unless it is of a sexual nature.Even then it’s basic. It is too expensive in Bermuda to divorce or even survive without each other’s income. I have suggested counselling.I don’t want to end up being another couple that is just together and cheats on each other. I still love him very much.What do I do? Our three children are almost out of the house. I do not think I can do this another 15 years.NOT ANOTHER 15Dear Another,It sounds like you guys have reached a slump. Why not rekindle what you begun before you married?Go on dates, leave sweet notes, surprise each other with little reminders of the good times. Your children are old enough so why not spend a weekend at a hotel or take a short hop to New York City.Unfortunately, you must also look at the other end of the spectrum. Perhaps your relationship is over. I don’t mean to be doom and gloom but break-ups are becoming a norm more and more. Only you and he know the true answer.Have you tried talking to him about the disconnect. Does he feel the same? Are you being over sensitive? Men and women often see things differently. Good luck!