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Ex sex always gets messy

Dear Carla: Times have truly changed and I'm not sure how to handle them. I have an 11-year-old son who spends a lot of time of his phone. In my day we friends talked on the phone very rarely because our parents didn't want the ‘busy signal' but now it's totally different. Because my son has a prepaid phone he asked if we could purchase data for him which would cut down on having to keep topping him up. My problem is that all he his friends do is text text text and Skype until all hours of the night. I tell him get off but he won't stop. It's not disturbing us in any way but I think at his age he should be off the phone by 10 at the latest. And of course he thinks we are crazy, strict and mean. I just don't see what they have to discuss at that hour. When I check his Skype messages it looks like they are just having normal conversations but it's the time of night they are happening. I have a good son and don't want him to think I don't trust him but I'm not sure I should let him continue. I had him late so I'm not sure I'm being out of touch. — I HAD A ROTARY DIAL

Dear Rotary: I understand your pain. I have a preteen as well. And I swear if someone robbed us the only things she would cry over are the iPad and the wireless router! While this behaviour is the norm as the parent you have the control. You need to lay out the boundaries early if not this will spiral out of control and it will be even more difficult reigning him in the earlier it gets. Give your son deadlines, ie the phone and other technology that he would use to communicate must be turned off by whatever time you set. Or placed in your room. If he refuses to comply, stop paying for data on his phone. That's hard nosed but he has to understand that you are not taking the situation lightly. He lives in your home so he must abide by your rules whether he likes them or not.

Dear Carla: My 16-year-old son often has friends over our house, both male and female. When females are present, his bedroom door must be kept open and the females are not allowed there when I am not home. One of the young ladies is starting to mature and looking more like a woman. I've expressed this observation to my son and asked if he or any of his friends are beginning to become sexually attracted to her especially in light of the fact that she's around more than any of the other females. He tells me it's “gross” that I asked him that and says no way, she's like one of the boys. I feel I need to pull her aside one day and ask her if she likes one of the boys because I do not want any sort of sexual activity going on in my house. She's not 16 yet but if she expresses that she has a desire to have sex period I'm going to tell her I am willing to sign for her at the clinic so she can get birth control. What is your honest opinion on this? — NO BABIES ROUND HERE

Dear No Babies: Are you mad?! Why would you encourage someone else's daughter to get birth control ESPECIALLY since she's not sleeping with your son. I think you are treading on very dangerous territory there. I would be so offended if that was my child. I can understand you having a talk with her as a nurturing adult who she may feel comfortable with. But taking her to the clinic is a definite no no in my book. I feel you would be greatly overstepping your boundaries. Don't do it!

Dear Carla: I have a six-year-old with my ex. Although we've been broken up for two years, I would still sleep with him because I did not want to be with anyone else. A few months ago I met a guy and now we've decided that we would like to be in a monogamous relationship. We have not had sex yet. I've told my ex that I no longer wish to sleep with him. He's mad and says that if I stop then he will cut our child off. I am devastated because he has been a good dad. I don't want to lose out on having a new relationship but I don't want my child to get hurt either. What do I do? — STUPID

Dear Stupid: If he loves your child then he won't cut him/her off. He's probably just hurt and/or jealous because you plan on moving on for good. But you have highlighted the number one reason why exes should not continue to have sex — it can get messy. Have you told your new love the situation? Although you may not want to I think you should. It's bad enough you've been doing this behind his back but imagine how he'd feel if he found out later on down the road. Are you sure you are over your ex because I really don't see where you guys ever disconnected.

Do you want Carla's advice? Contact her at communicationscz@gmail.com

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Published September 09, 2013 at 3:15 pm (Updated September 09, 2013 at 3:15 pm)

Ex sex always gets messy

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