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Accommodations can be made at school for single, working parents

Dear Carla,

I have two children who for the first time will be attending different schools. Their daddy is not very active in their lives and is hands off when it comes to their school life. Both have brought notes home and their PTA/meet the teacher night is on the same night.

At both schools the reward for parents attending meetings is a grub day so of course both children think their meeting is most important. What do I do? I have very little family support and their godparents have lives of their own. I don't want to seem like an absentee parent at either school.

HELP

Dear Help,

Been there. Lived that. You are not alone on this one. Since meet the teacher night is probably the most important PTA meeting of the year, I would contact the school which I've had the longest relationship with and explain to them the situation. Ask them if you can either come earlier so that you can go to other child's school or if you can have a one on one with the teacher either before of after the set date. And ask them, based on your attendance, if your child can still benefit by having the grub day.

This is the prime reason why I dislike incentives attached to attendance ... because the child could potentially suffer (socially especially) because to most children, grub days are serious business. Explain to your children that you are only one person and while you would love to attend all of their functions sometimes it will not be logistically possible.

Have a conversation with dad as well. He may change his mind; you never know. Everybody has a close supportive friend. Ask yours if he/she could be available to help you in the event this happens again (and it will!).

Another suggestion: make an effort to get to know the parents of the students in your children's classes. Most times they are willing to help out and sign for your child on your behalf. Especially if they know the reason why you are missing is because you are doing the best you can as a single parent.

Dear Carla,

I have traditionally been attracted to women who are rough around the edges. I love their grit. But I never can seem to maintain a relationship with them because they always seem to come with drama. While at work (in an office) I met a girl who is nothing like what I'm used you. She's quiet and humble.

I asked her out on a date an she accepted. We've been seeing each other for over a year now but have not made anything “official”. We have even been away together. I never worried about a title because we have been happy. Until two weeks ago. She told me that she is pregnant for her ex-husband and wants to keep it because she doesn't believe in abortions. Although I've never told her, I love her so I was willing to stick it out and support her.

But here's the thing ... she wants to work it out with him for the sake of the child so she's asked me to understand that. I am both hurt and confused by her request and since we weren't officially a couple. But I didn't date anyone else so I assumed she wasn't either. I don't want to just walk away. What should I do?

STUMPED

Dear stumped,

I don't think that there is much that you can say to her right now. A baby is a very serious thing and clearly she feels that she is taking a decision that she thinks is in the best interest of the child. I think you should accept what she has said and try to remain amicable with her since you have to see her daily (assuming you still work with her).

Dear Carla,

I've met a really cool guy who I would love to get to know better. We talk on the phone for hours and have a good time when we are together. When we first started talking he told he that he was a vegetarian which was not a big deal to me although I love all meat, including pork.

One day he came over to my house because I offered to cook him dinner. I was making a starch and vegetables for both of us, baked chicken for me and a vegee loaf for him. I bought that from the grocery store.

We sat down to eat and had what I thought was a good dinner. When we were finished and sitting on the couch watching TV he demanded that I get up and brush my teeth because he “don't kiss meat mouth”.

I thought he was joking but he was dead serious. I was furious and refused to. So he left. That was two weeks ago. We haven't spoken since. Outside of that one incident he is a cool guy. Do I try to make peace?

MEAT LOVER

Dear meat lover,

Sounds like he's a fanatic. If you are willing to keep putting up with having to purge your meat mouth to for it. But that seems high maintenance.

carla@royalgazette.com

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Published September 16, 2013 at 9:00 am (Updated September 15, 2013 at 8:56 pm)

Accommodations can be made at school for single, working parents

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