Author, educator and boyfriend of one of America's most popular television hosts Stedman Graham wowed Cabinet members and the audience at the ATI conference yesterday with his presentation on how to make life happen.

The long-time boyfriend of TV talk queen Oprah Winfrey was flown to the Island, funded by the XL Foundation, to give a motivational speech on achieving your goals.

He said there were nine basic steps to reaching your aspired life, but they had to first start with a vision.

Mr. Graham, who has also addressed students at CedarBridge Academy and Berkeley Institute this week, said throughout life people were programmed to conform and be average.

But, he said, it was up to individuals to define themselves and their own aspirations, and to refuse labels placed on them and social inadequacies.

Mr. Graham said freedom was not about race, family, work or living environment, but instead about who you are.

He said if you aim to have a life that you can love, you will strive for what you want and not what you should accept:

"We turn over our power to everyone else to define who we are. Some 80 percent of black people in this world are programmed to believe that they can't make it because of the colour of their skin. That's a sad, sad thing.

"When you give up the power to somebody else to define who you are because of a label, you're saying 'you think I'm not good enough'.

"So, what kind of house do you buy? One that's not good enough. What kind of education do you have? One that's not good enough. And what kind of money do you get? Money that's not good enough.

"Time is the only thing that we can't control. We have to maximise our potential given to us, otherwise, we end up doing the same thing over and over."

And he said if we change the way we view the world, there is nothing we can't accomplish.

Mr. Graham said being in a relationship with a powerful woman who is seen by 20 million viewers a day, and being involved in her world of entertainment, meant there was a lot of pressure on him to be successful in his own way.

He said: "I decided I was going to define who I was. I wrote seven books, and Oprah's picture is not on the front of them."

His steps to good self-esteem begin with self awareness, and include concentrating on your strengths, ensuring good leadership, having a vision and setting goals.

With good choices, a willingness to step into the unknown, a team of good people around you and a commitment to your vision, he said anything was possible.