During eight years of marriage ?Patrick? used to regularly explode into violence ? slapping, kicking and flooring his wife until she could take no more.

These days he is a welcome visitor at her home and is best buddies with her new man, thanks to the Abuse Free programme which has quenched his inner demons and set him at peace with himself and the world.

Patrick started acting aggressively at the age of nine after seeing his father die in an incident he felt responsible for. Unable to deal with his emotions he was violent at school ? and to the women he later moved in with he was an absolute monster.

?I would slam them to the ground, hold them, shout at them. I thought it was OK if I didn?t punch them in the face or kick them in the stomach.?

But he thought nothing of slapping them in the face or kicking them in the thigh, spitting in their faces or biting them.

Continued from Page 1

During the outbursts fixtures and fittings were smashed and it would take hours for him to calm down.

Always apologetic and remorseful after the red mist had disappeared, the cycle was repeated even when his first marriage collapsed.

After dating a string of women, he found God. Marrying a woman he knew from church, he tried to convince himself that it would be different.

?I was hiding behind the church, thinking my troubles were solved.?

But he used his marriage as a way to control the woman and the abuse began again. He even went for his son.

?At that point I told myself enough is enough.?

Patrick had a heart-to-heart with his family and went back over his childhood traumas.

Booking in with the Employment Assistance Programme he was referred to the Physical Abuse Centre and in the group sessions found salvation.

Group members must open up about their past and confess what they have done ? in every session. Members take notes and will quickly spot those avoiding the truth.

?You cannot hide. You go back into your childhood, your present circumstances have nothing to do with where your anger comes from. It isn?t about ?she hit me, she scratched my car?, it is going way deep.?

Articulate, charming and outgoing, Patrick would never strike anybody as being a likely abuser.

?People who I have known for years didn?t have a clue and when I tell them they are shocked.?

Patrick was shocked himself when he went to his first group session and saw who was in there.

Indeed in the years it?s been running, the course has people from all walks of life, including church ministers and army officers.

?What makes you comfortable is everyone does a check in, you say your name, your ex-partner?s name and what you did.

?If I hadn?t have got help I would definitely now have my own room in Westgate.?

Now he is much better and is on friendly terms with his first wife and hopes one day to make it up to his second wife.

He still gets his moments but can call on friends who have done the programme.

One such pal is ?Sean?, who is positively evangelical in his enthusiasm for the course which he ended up on after domestic violence escalating into him attacking his heavily pregnant partner. She eventually took the child, left him and got a restraining order.

He wound up at the Physical Abuse Centre where Rose Vickers helped him work through his anger.

After much counselling he ended up back with his partner. For a long time he didn?t trust himself to touch her as he continued to punish himself for earlier sins, but she took him in during Hurricane Fabian and now the couple are back together.

Now he knows he has choices other than blind fury when his partner displeases him and ultimately he can choose to work on their problems or leave.

?Joe? ended up at the Physical Abuse Centre when he began to verbally abuse his son in a similar way to the way his father had abused him.

Joe said: ?My father was a giant. I was scared of him and wouldn?t do what he want me do to do, he would curse at me. I carried that on to my son.?

Sensing his son was becoming emotionally distant he has traced his problems to their roots and is rekindling the relationship. No pushover, he now knows how to control his son without being verbally abusive.

Like the others he is keen to make sure the cycle of abuse is not passed on to the next generation. The sins of the father shall not be visited on the son.

Physical Abuse Centre 24-hour hotline 297 8278. Phone 292 4366.