After struggling for the last 18 months to put her life back together, Amy McHarg will relive the pain of her daughter Cassidy?s tragic death again tomorrow ? as it would have been her child?s second birthday.

Cassidy Ann Salahuddin died in hospital on May 6, 2003 of injuries consistent with shaken baby syndrome and this week a court convicted her father ? Karim Salahuddin ? of her murder.

The toll of loss on her mother?s life seems bottomless.

Yesterday, Amy McHarg sat quietly at her Serpentine Road home looking at photographs of her daughter ? a beautiful happy, baby with a lively personality.

The pain of losing her only daughter will never go away, she said, and while satisfied with the jury verdict, she is finding it difficult to move on with her life.

Her thoughts remain with Cassidy, whose photographs decorate every wall of her home.

?She was the perfect baby,? Ms McHarg said. ?She was always smiling. I loved her so much. I think about her all the time. Everything I do reminds me of her. It?s hard to put into words what I am feeling ? my daughter was my life.?

Salahuddin, 27, was found guilty of murdering his daughter by a unanimous jury verdict on Wednesday. He was sentenced to life in prison.

Since Cassidy?s tragic death, Ms McHarg has struggled to get back on her feet. This Wednesday, as she waited outside the court room, she said it seemed like the longest two hours of her life as the six-woman, six-man jury decided Salahuddin?s fate.

Tomorrow her family plans to hold a candlelight walk in memory of Cassidy, who was born on October 30, 2002.

Ms McHarg and her mother hope to establish a memorial for Cassidy and to educate members of the community about the dangers and symptoms of shaken baby syndrome.

Last spring, life was very different.

Ms McHarg was happy and looking forward to watching her daughter grow up.

She had begun to take classes at the Bermuda College to earn a degree in child care to earn further qualifications for her job at the ACE Nursery where she worked.

Cassidy was growing into a happy healthy baby, taking her first steps and beginning to pronounce a few words at only six months old.

?I wanted her to be happy, it didn?t matter what she did with her life, I just wanted her to be happy,? Ms McHarg said of her daughter.

She took the baby everywhere she went, even if she had just left the house on a quick errand.

?She was such a good baby, she was always happy, even at a few months she would sleep right through the night,? she said. ?She used to love my mother singing the song, ?You Are My Sunshine?.

?When she heard that song, her little face would just light up.

?Today, when we have a bad day at the counsellor?s we sing this song ? I buy objects with suns on them because my daughter was my sunshine.?

It was only recently that she was able to put Cassidy?s clothes into storage and take her baby blanket off her bed. On her back is a tattoo of Cassidy?s name written in Chinese symbols.

Aunt Charlotte McHarg also has Cassidy?s name written on her arm in Japanese and grandmother Donna Cassidy has her granddaughter?s name tattooed in a sun across her arm.

It is all a tragic end compared to the life Ms McHarg hoped for.

She recalls meeting Salahuddin ? a soft spoken and quiet man ? when he was 25 and she was almost 21. On their first date they went to Freddie?s Pub in St. George?s with her sister Charlotte for a drink.

They enjoyed one another?s company and began an intimate relationship in 2001.

?In front of me he was a good person, but then I began to understand after this happened that it was just a facade,? she said.

When she found out she was pregnant she was happy but Salahuddin was scared when she told him the news. Ms McHarg said she knew her baby was a girl and she looked forward to the opportunity to dress her up.

She dressed her up for Christmas in beautiful dresses and even got her ears pierced with real diamond earrings. The family showered their love on Cassidy and have pages of photographs of her in a fluffy, white dress given to her specially to wear for Easter.

She was buried in her favourite dress on May 10, 2003.

Salahuddin, as Ms McHarg maintained throughout the trial, was a good father.

He would go straight home and take care of Cassidy as soon as he got in the house. Ms McHarg would watch him cradling his daughter in his lap and playing video games with Cassidy in his arms.

On May 5, 2003, Ms McHarg and her mother were taking a final exam at the Bermuda College and had left Salahuddin to take care of Cassidy for a few hours that evening. They never believed he would deliberately hurt her.

?I knew she would cry when I wasn?t there, I knew it would be hard to handle, but I didn?t think he would hurt her,? she said.

Ms McHarg rushed to the hospital and found her daughter barely breathing and lying in a hospital bed.

?She looked like she was sleeping,? she said. ?She had marks on her, the doctors were all around her and he (Salahuddin) was sitting there beside her like he didn?t know what happened. I couldn?t even look at him, I just knew he had done something.?

Doctors who testified in the trial said Cassidy had sustained massive eye injuries, fractures in her head and bleeding in her skull ? hallmark signs of shaken baby syndrome. These injuries indicated she had been shaken back and forth at an extreme force.

Today, Ms McHarg doubts she will ever be able to forgive her former lover and the father of her child.

She said it would have been easier to live with the truth.

Ms McHarg was a constant presence during the trial, only stepping out of the court room when photographs were shown of the injuries to her daughter.

And she said Salahuddin?s story of dropping her daughter while she was in a pumpkin seat was an excuse he had made up.

?He lied right up to the time of sentencing,? she said. ?We knew Cassidy didn?t throw herself against a wall. He lied. If he had just spoken honestly and showed some remorse it would have helped me to know that he really did love Cassidy.?

Ms McHarg?s family were full of praise for Senior Crown prosecutor Kulandra Ratneser and Crown counsel Wayne Caines, who walked with them to the court room on Thursday before the verdict was delivered. They also praised Police Sgt. Mark Clarke for his work on the case.

?They did such an excellent job of prosecuting the case,? Mrs. Cassidy said. ?There was a very good connection ? when the guilty verdict came through they were just as emotional as we were. Cassidy could not have had a better team.?

The trial had an emotional effect on almost everyone involved.

After the jury was released, one male juror approached Mrs. Cassidy.

?He couldn?t even say Cassidy?s name after the trial, he was just so upset,? she said.

Today, Ms McHarg said she has trouble trusting people. She doubts if she will ever be able to have an intimate relationship with another man but she hopes to have another child.

In photo albums she has kept clippings of news stories and copies of letters sent from members of the community and members of Government. She wants other children to know about Cassidy and she is hoping to protect and educate other children and adults in the community about the effects of shaken baby syndrome.

?It?s hard to trust people,? she said. ?I know it offends them sometimes but it?s just something I am working to get through. I just can?t help it.?

This weekend she will put flowers on her daughter?s grave ? where there is always a fresh bouquet.

?I know I will see Cassidy again, she?s in heaven,? she said. ?It could be an awful long time. Every day I look at her pictures. I miss her so much.?