"If all is well and there is no constitutional crisis, Parliament should be assembled," announced the MC as dignitaries, MPs, tourists and assorted gawkers gathered for yesterday's Throne Speech.

A slightly perturbing comment given Alex Scott's very public desire to break free from Britain.

When the Regiment turned up with bayonets a-flashing Hester thought this year's event might turn out to be slightly more interesting than the usual tedious trawl through soon-to-be forgotten promises.

Especially with the distant booming of Regimental guns. Hester was unable to determine their location (she later learned it was Fort Hamilton) so she didn't know which way to run.

But far from staging a bloody coup, Mr Scott appeared happy enough to let the Governor take centre stage although he must have taken some secret satisfaction from the unflattering ceremonial garb Sir John Vereker is forced to wear.

Now Hester is far from adverse to donning white gloves and a feathery hat but the get-up hardly boosts the macho credentials of the island's alpha male.

Undeterred, Sir John demanded the presence of the Parliament to the Cabinet Office lawn to hear his speech.

There then followed a long delay which appeared too much for the ad-libbing skills of MC John Burchall who remained silent along with the rest of the crowd, apart from one visitor who exclaimed: "Call somebody already!"

Finally they trooped in, with only new MP Jon Brunson bothering with the traditional top hat and tails.

Mr. Burchall lost his stage fright and resumed work but his faulty microphone had other ideas as it began editing out some and then most of his words leading to nonsense of "ne.. gh.... ah..... son..."

But there was hardly any need for introductions. Even new Opposition Senator Bob Richards is hardly an unknown quantity having sat in the Upper Chamber before.

As they took their places as Bishop Dr. Vernon Lambe began a sermon which called for God to grant Government the wisdom of Solomon, the compassion of Jesus and the resolve of Joshua.

Meanwhile Hester prayed to be granted the patience of Job as the Governor ploughed through an interminable speech which could be adequately summarised as "Government is in favour of and is firmly against Details to be worked out later."

Far from outlining specific legislation it seemed the Progressive Labour Party's Throne Speech was more like a plan to have a plan as it promised conferences, strategies, forums, committees and research. Subtext? "After six years in power we have problems but no answers. Can you help?"

Sir John even pledged that Government would introduce an Internet access in public places programme, no doubt so the public can more easily help Government do its homework.

Anyone know where we can download a solution to the housing problem?

Not that there weren't a few reasons to smile. As a woman who enjoys her chocolate as much as the next tubby, Hester was pleased to know obesity is about to be classified as a disability.

Mind you, Hester nearly choked on her rum truffle at the news that Bermuda tourism industry will no longer divided up the year into high seasons and off seasons. No kidding?

Perhaps Government will bow to reality and classify it as the off season all year round.

In the end perhaps we all expected too much of the unveiling of the PLP's much vaunted social agenda.

After all with the amount of pointless foreign trips they have had since assuming power, it is pretty clear they have had a social agenda all along ? their own.