Ooops! Tourism Minister the Hon. C.V. (Jim) Woolridge suddenly found he needed to delve into his complete repertoire of verbal gymnastics during a few toe-curling moments at the XL Bermuda Open last weekend.

And, unfortunately, the desperate contortions left the Minister in a less than honourable position...firmly on his backside.

Mr. Woolridge's angst occurred during the award-giving ceremony at the end of a closely contested doubles final which saw Grant Connell and Todd Martin edge out Jason Stoltenberg and Brett Steven.

While handing over a runners-up cheque to Brett Steven, Mr. Woolridge bungled his lines with rare aplomb. For spectators watching in mounting embarrassment, it was truly a case of: Oh, No! As Mr. Woolridge congratulated a Mr. Brett "Steinberger'' on his performance.

And then, Oh, My Gosh! As the Minister, amid a smattering of nervous giggling from the crowd, attempted a hasty correction: "I mean, Mr. Brett Stern.'' And finally, I Just Don't Believe It! As Mr. Woolridge, giving up the ghost, blurted out: "It doesn't matter what tag I put on a donkey, the money is still spendable!'' After getting the cheque, Steven trudged off court, his face a mixture of wonder and bewilderment.

"Funny, place Bermuda,'' would be a fair translation.

"See you, Mr. Steinberger!'' one wag in the crowd cried out.

*** Hot on the trail of a provincial English newspaper cutting recently received by The Royal Gazette claiming that Sir George Somers' true burial site had finally been discovered, our Living reporter decided to follow up this intriguing clue for herself.

Driving through lanes that were not only dancing with daffodils but, due to the unusually warm weather, primroses and bluebells as well, she wound her way through winding country lanes to the still unspoilt, sleepy hamlet home of Sir George at Whitchurch Canonicorum, deep in the Dorset countryside.

As all Bermudians know, while the Admiral's heart was left in Bermuda, the rest of him was returned to England to a the church that was already ancient when the old sea-dog set off on his last adventure.

A brass plaque commemorates Somers' founding of Bermuda and the church guide book states that his body is buried under the floor of the vestry which, in his day, was a Chantry Chapel dating back to the 13th Century.

Now, the Bridport News had reported that workmen, called in to fix the central heating, found a brick-built crypt in the north aisle when they were looking for a leak in piping under the floor: "When they took up a slab, they dislodged one of the bricks on the roof of the vault. Through the crevice they saw what appeared to be two lead-lined and one stone coffin.'' The workmen, the paper went on, may have "accidentally'' found the coffin of the man whose shipwreck was believed to have inspired the story of Shakespere's `The Tempest'.

"Not at all,'' declared the vicar, Rev. Robin Fairbrother, who happened to be in the church to greet a visiting group of church bell-ringers.

Displaying an affable charm to our reporter as he commented on the "very large number of Bermudians who come here'', he said he knew nothing about this latest theory about the final resting place of Bermuda's founding father.

"In any case,'' he said, as the first peal of bells echoed through the spring morning, "How could Sir George have been found? So far as I'm concerned, he's never been lost!'' *** Bermuda's economy, geographical and political status may be important to international businesses.

But it is obvious that Reuter news agency does not share this sentiment.

In a recent report about Britain appealing to China to speed up preparations for the handover of Hong Kong to Beijing's control, the news agency stated: "Britain has agreed to transfer sovereignty of Hong Kong, its last remaining colony of any importance, to China at the end of June 1997.'' Does Britain share the news agency's view?