player at the ICC Trophy competition if they could defeat the host nation.

Bermuda Broadcasting Company's overseas correspondent Mr. Darren Burchall reported that a Bermudian living in Kenya had come to the team hotel and offered the incentive to the players on the eve of their all-important semifinal showdown against Kenya.

No Problem. Just a big-hearted Bermudian letting loose some of his or her wealth for the sake of the Country.

However, further investigation of the situation revealed several strange -- and humorous -- quirks.

Firstly, a quick conversion -- using the guesstimate exchange rate mechanism -- revealed that 1,000 shillings converted to the grand sum of US$16, just enough for a decent meal at a not-so trendy restaurant or maybe a few drinks at the no frills bar downstairs.

Room service? Out of the question, barely enough for the tip.

Still, the clincher came when a Royal Gazette reporter questioned a member of the Bermuda team regarding the incentive and its cash mercenary.

Laughing, the player noted that it was none other than Mr. Burchall himself, who had come to the players' room "pestering'' them about a bonus for winning the match.

Anything for a story it seems.

* * * When Royal Gazette reporters heard a media pool had been arranged for the Royal Visit they naturally thought someone was throwing a party. But notions of wine, song and splashing colleagues ended when a long instruction list arrived at the offices.

Security for all Royal occasions means the media is "pooled'' in certain areas for fairness and so they do not get in the way of the business of the trip.

And a total of 40 local and 20 foreign media can tend to get in the way of proceedings especially in a small building.

The idea of pooling is to provide an opportunity for the best possible coverage of the event so the public get a chance to relive the visit (or see their friends) in the next day's newspaper and on that evening's news cast.

The 12-part, three-page instruction sheet goes into specific details of almost every move a photographer and reporter must make.

What does seem rather strange is "rule 12''. After 11 rules of clear and emphatic orders of what the media is supposed to do "rule 12'' reads: "All rules occasionally have to be broken.'' Pardon!? * * * After last week's notebook on road repairs to South Road in readiness for the Royal Visit, news now reaches The Royal Gazette of more work to protect Royal stability in Bermuda.

Speed bumps at Bermuda College have been removed to make the journey into the college grounds a lot smoother.

The bumps, commonly known as sleeping Policemen, were laid to stop speeding on campus.

And their removal could mean a few sleepless nights for our wide awake Police force when pack racers spot this new race track.

* * * Of all the callings God ordained the Rev. Trevor Woolridge being a jockey wasn't one of them.

The reverend, after all, is the most generously proportioned of all the current crop of MPs.

No wonder, therefore, Labour Minister the Hon. Irving Pearman (of much meaner dimensions) looked aghast in the House of Assembly this week at the prospect of being "ridden'' by him.

Mr. Woolridge offered his jockey credentials to Mr. Pearman in the hope of whipping him into greater Ministerial efforts.

"No thanks, I would rather be ridden by your colleague,'' the Minister quickly replied, pointing to the lithe and decidedly stringy Alex Scott, who had just taken the floor.

* * * When a tree falls in the forest, and no-one is there, does it make a noise? An interesting thought but hardly one you would expect to hear in the governing House of Assembly.

Yet, once again, our leaders surprise us with their wit and repartee brightening the long, drawn-out Budget debate.

It all began with an exchange between Minister of Finance the Hon. David Saul and Opposition Minister Mr. Stanley Morton. Dr. Saul was discussing cuts in the customs tariff and how it will affect businesses in Bermuda.

During the speech Mr. Morton accused some businesses of greed in hiking prices to make profits.

Dr. Saul claimed Mr. Morton had mentioned "collusion'' in price-increases between Government and business.

But Speaker Mr. Ernest DeCouto said he did not hear the word collusion stating he would have given a stern warning if it had been used.

Dr. Saul asked Mr. Morton to admit using the word, but Mr. Morton denied it.

Dr. Saul said: "If he was an honourable gentleman he would have admitted it.'' Opposition Leader Freddie Wade: "It was like a tree falling in the forest.'' It would be interesting to hear if the tumbling tree was picked up on the V.S.B. radio broadcast.

* * * Exam veterans know the "brain drain'' affliction only too well.

Mug up for the big day, and then just weeks later all that knowledge drains away, much of it lost forever.

Former Education Minister the Hon. Gerald Simons seems to have suffered a similar relapse.

A reporter asked him this week to don briefly again his Education cap -- which has gathered just a few months' worth of dust.

The question seemed simple enough. Do schools need parents' permission to hand out corporal punishment? "I'm sorry, it's been a while now, and I've forgotten the answer to your question,'' was the apologetic reply.

* * * Bermudian architect John Gardner is a man full of puzzles.

The maze he designed at the Botanical Gardens is an example. Guaranteed to confuse and frustrate.

Hardly surprising, therefore, that when a Royal Gazette reporter interviewed him about his creation, he threw in a teasing little challenge.

"Whatever you do, please don't use the word `a-maze-ing','' he pleaded. "Try and think of something more original.'' The assignment was nigh impossible, of course.

Depriving a journalist of his corny, groan-inspiring puns is like telling an architect to work without paper.

After all, hands up those who can make a printable pun out of the word maze?