Let?s get one thing straight ? I really want to play for Bermuda in the World Cup qualifiers.

I have always wanted to play but when discussions about me coming back first started I had been dropped from the Reading side and I was anything but the first name on the team sheet.

It really is quite simple, it wasn?t a good time for me and going back to Bermuda would have harmed my chances at my new club.

Contrary to what people in Bermuda were probably thinking, I wasn?t an automatic choice at my new team and that upset me.

If I had gone away at that stage ? and the gaffer said I could ? I wouldn?t have been missed.

I didn?t want to come home without him thinking ?when is Shaun coming back?, if I had come back at that stage it would have been a case of ?I think he?s back on this or that date? and that is not what I wanted ? I wanted to be missed.

But things have worked out well for me at Reading, I have got back in the goals and my form has picked up so I can now relax and risk leaving.

Unfortunately because of the injuries we have picked up, the way the fixtures have fallen ? and because of the scheduling of flights ? I would have missed two games for my club and the gaffer wasn?t going to allow that.

We are playing against Sheffield United on the Saturday and then Preston on the following Tuesday and, because I would have to fly back through America, the gaffer didn?t really think I would be in any fit state to play the next day.

It is a shame because I do want to represent my country but, personally, I think we will manage fine against Montserrat with or without me, or with or without any individual in our team.

The last time I played for my country, something that really fills me with pride, was when we beat the British Virgin Islands in the last World Cup. At their place we had a man sent off in the first five minutes and still went on to win 4-1.

We then beat them 5-0 at home and if Montserrat are anywhere near the standard of BVI, I can see us having no problems.

I have an understanding with the BFA that if we are three, or maybe four goals up from the first leg, I probably won?t come back for the second leg and miss Reading games, but by the time the next round comes along against El Salvador in June I will be available and, injuries permitting, I will definitely come back and play.

But I am in constant communication with the BFA and if they need me I will try and get back for the second leg ? if the gaffer allows it.

Playing for Bermuda means a lot to me and it is a responsibility I take very seriously.

It would have been great to come back for this weekend?s game but it is not to be. I have to respect the gaffer?s decision on this one.

But, like I say, I think we have the players to beat Montserrat. I know very little about them except that they are ranked as the lowest team and that they have a population of 4,500 ? and they had a pretty bad volcano eruption not so long ago.

I?m sure we will have done our homework and will be ready to take them on. The guy playing in England, Warren Dyer, will be one to watch. Just by playing in the Dr Martens League in England, he will be well-prepared and ready for the physical side of the game ? playing in English leagues at any level is good for a player.