Nick Kyme leaves for Canada this week to compete in the biggest squash tournament he’s been involved in so far this season.

But the Island’s number one admitted yesterday that after three challenging and often fruitless years as a professional player, he is struggling both mentally and physically with the rigours of what at times can be a soul-destroying life.

The world number 69 has been back at home for a week now for a mini-holiday, having moved to Belgium in September to put himself under the wing of one of the world’s top coaches in Australian Shaun Moxham — a move he said at the time was a last roll of the dice for him in terms of making it into at least the world’s top 50.

Yet after five weeks of training in the Belgian city of Antwerp, the 25-year-old flew to North America for the usual Autumn circuit of tournaments and ended up losing in the first round of three straight events.

In the third of those tournaments — the $10,000 Goodlife Ottawa Open — Kyme was seeded fifth but was surprisingly beaten in straight games by Canadian qualifier Robin Clarke — a youngster ranked below 100 in the world whom the Bermudian has beaten comfortably in the past.

To add to Kyme’s current woes, he picked up a knee injury late last week after a hard workout on a treadmill and has been advised to rest for several weeks — something he cannot afford to do a few days before the $20,000 Coastal Contacts Open in Jericho, British Colombia, where he is scheduled to meet Graham Ryding, the number one seed from Canada.

“I’m pretty low on confidence right now,” said a dejected Kyme yesterday, who needs to play in the next tournament to garner the ranking points which are keeping him inside the world’s top 100.

“I’m struggling with my motivation, I’m struggling with injury and I’m struggling with my game in general. I’m playing worse now than I was two years ago and it is getting to the stage where I starting to wonder whether I really want to be doing what I’m doing.

“I’ve enjoyed some aspects of the training in Belgium so far, but I was really disappointed with the way I played in the last three tournaments. I played horribly and particularly in my last match against Robin Clarke, I don’t think I could have played any worse.

“As far as my knee goes, I haven’t been able to train properly for the last few days and ideally I need to rest it. But the tournament coming up in Canada is quite a big one, I’m in the main draw and I really don’t want to miss out on the ranking points which I’ll get even for losing in the first round.

“I’m not in a good place right now for sure. I go back to Belgium after this next tournament and I’ll wait a few weeks to see if the knee gets better and I start feeling a little more positive about things. But at the moment I’m finding life extremely tough.”

How long he intends to continue as a professional, Kyme wouldn’t say.

But with the tantalising prospect of a World Open wildcard in a year’s time, when the most prestigious tournament in the game comes to the Island for the first time, he admitted he will have some difficult decisions to make over the course of the next few weeks and months.