Smalley. The name is almost synonymous with Christian marriages and relationships.

Dr Gary Smalley and his wife, Norma, began ministering to families more than 30 years ago, and together, through the Smalley Relationship Center and a writing career that includes more than 40 books, the pair have helped hundreds of thousands of couples across the globe with building solid godly marriages and repairing damaged ones.

With parents like Gary and Norma, it is small wonder that their children, particularly sons Michael and Greg, have followed in their footsteps.

This past weekend, Michael Smalley, along with wife, Amy, shared their personal experiences with couples in Bermuda through a special marriage conference hosted by Cornerstone Bible Fellowship. Together, they launched Marriage Restoration Intensives in 2005.

"We consider marriage intensives to be relational skill building on steroids," Amy explained.

The programmes, which are run out of a centre just outside of Houston, Texas, are designed to help couples through a one- or two-day retreat, by learning about conflict resolution, communication skills and each others needs.

"We try to teach how to get the focus off of blaming your spouse, and how you can be the solution in your marriage, in Christ," she added.

It comes down to owning your own thoughts, feelings and actions, being real and transparent, and open to the needs, thoughts and feelings of our spouse.

Amy and Michael, who celebrate their 16th wedding anniversary next month and are the parents of three children, Cole, 14, Reagan, 12 and eight-year-old David, really try to work together, utilising each other's strengths to help the couples they are working with to better learn the skills required to build a strong marriage.

Michael is humorous, Amy said, and the pair employ it in their speaking engagements.

"We really try to disarm people with humour, then hit them with some truth, so that it comes out more like butter than barbed wire."

While most people will tell you that couples working together are more likely to have struggles, Amy and Michael have found the way to delicately balance living and working and raising a family by developing a "tag-team" approach.

"I like to say we have one job and we both do it part-time!" Amy smiled. And she has every reason to smile, as this highly educated, talented and busy woman has also taken on the task of home-schooling her children in the past year.

In the US alone, about half of all first marriages end in divorce, with about 67 percent of second and 74 percent of third marriages also failing, according to research by the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology, in Springfield, Missouri, and while divorce rates seem to be decreasing, the marriage rate has also been shown to be on the decline.

So how does one prevent a divorce even before you've found "the one"?

According to Amy, it comes down to knowing what you are looking for before you start. She recommends that young people develop a list of qualities you are looking for in a mate that goes beyond both "being Christians", but including having similar beliefs on family life, honour, respect and more.

"It's not just being a Christian," she explained. "It's living the life that's going to be conducive to a great marriage."

She looks back at the days when she and Michael first started dating.

"I was praying, 'OK, God, who is this person?' I prayed for God's best for me."

Open honesty is also vital, especially not glossing over patterns of sin in a person's past.

"We're all drawn to different sins. If you've gone down that path, what are the things you have learned from it."

Some may simply be attracted to the wrong person, while others have established patterns of self-destructive behaviour.

When it comes to marriages with the worst problems, Amy says that nine out of ten are dealing with a situation of either extra marital affairs or pornography, or both, however, that's isn't always the case fo "normal couples" dealing with the "normal" challenges of marriage. These couples tend to have difficulty communicating with each other and finding ways to resolve conflict.

"No matter what the facts or circumstances are, there are feelings and needs that are not being met. Feelings and needs are always at the core. Everyone's feelings and needs count."

The most successful, thriving marriages are the ones that keep working at it.

"People that make it thrive, not because they got it right, but because they keep trying. We want win-win solutions, otherwise it's a loss for the whole team."

When conflict comes, a level of compromise needs to come from both parties. Sometimes, one may have to sacrifice more than the other, but it is important that it is done willingly, rather than forced, as it will help prevent bitterness and resentment, and help couples safeguard each other and their marriage.

Amy and Michael Smalley both received master's degrees in clinical psychology at Wheaton College in Wheaton, Illinois. Their most recent book, 'The Surprising Way to A Stronger Marriage: How the Power of One Changes Everything', was released in September by Focus on the Family.