The Third Mindfulness Training - "Aware of the suffering caused by sexual misconduct, I am committed to cultivating responsibility and learning ways to protect the safety and integrity of individuals, couples, families, and society. I am determined not to engage in sexual relations without love and a long-term commitment. To preserve the happiness of myself and others, I am determined to respect my commitments and the commitments of others. I will do everything in my power to protect children from sexual abuse and to prevent couples and families from being broken by sexual misconduct."

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Our society puts so much energy into stimulating sexual desire and "love" through various kinds of advertising, all of which seem to be totally unconnected to commitment or true understanding, which in the end leads to real love.

Sexuality should be mutual, non-addictive and should not harm either of the two people involved.

I would say the same things about love.

Try as an exercise for this next week watching yourself very carefully to see how often sexual thoughts arise in your mind.

Whenever they do, make a note of what feelings you find are associated with these thoughts.

They may be feelings of love, caring, tension, compulsion, loneliness, greed, pleasure or aggression.

Try to name the feeling associated when a sexual thought comes into your mind.

You may find it an interesting exercise in the practice of mindfulness and a deeper understanding of yourself.

This Third Mindfulness Training is all about the mind, like the other four mindfulness trainings.

If we keep this training in our minds and our hearts we will be able to protect the happiness of others and ourselves.

So many irresponsible sexual acts lead to tragedies in families, broken marriages and sexually abused children.

If we want a future to be possible for our children and the many generations that follow, we know we have to look at ourselves today, for our actions today will affect the future.

Thich Nhat Hanh, the Zen Master who has taught the practice of mindfulness to the West for the last thirty years, says that these Trainings are the right medicine for us to relieve our suffering.

He says we need first to look at ourselves and then at those around us to see the truth.

Be your own doctor and make your own diagnosis and then know that the medicine is here for you - the Five Mindfulness Trainings.

For many people this Third Training is easy to practice, for others it is hard.

In Buddhist teachings, we speak of "oneness of body and mind".

In the practice of modern psychology or Eastern Medicine, just looking at someone's face or body can tell us whether they suffer, or are diseased, or whether they are peaceful or healthy.

Whatever happens in the body also happens in the mind, likewise when there is suffering in the mind it shows in the body.

When we are angry, we may think it is only in our feelings and mind.

This is not true, when we are angry with someone we love we don't want to touch or be touched by that person.

So you see, body and mind are one.

In committed sexual relationships there is communion of body and spirit.

We open up our heart and soul to another.

It is an act of creative energy.

We do not open up our souls to just anyone, only to someone we love and trust.

The same is true for our bodies.

If we are approached casually, without care, we feel insulted both in our bodies and souls.

If we are approached with understanding, commitment and care then we do not feel hurt, misused or abused.

Casual sex cannot be described as love; love is only attained through respect, commitment and true understanding.

Desire is not real love; real love is something far more responsible than that.

"Love" is a word used too casually by our Western society and by most advertising media.

We have to look deeply at our speech (Fourth Mindfulness Training) and not use the word love so casually.

It is a beautiful word worthy of the restoration of its true meaning.

There is so much more to this Third Mindfulness Training on conscious and responsible sexuality, I shall continue to write more about it in next week's column.

The MPC meets every Sunday at 5.14 p.m. at 71 Victoria Street (Unity Foundations of Truth) e-mail iamhomeibl.bm or call 236-5976 (Betsy) www.plumvillage.org.