A few weeks ago I watched an old Sandra Bullock movie, Miss Congeniality, where she is a rough-edged undercover FBI agent in a Miss America Beauty Pageant. She hates the assignment, and sarcastically jokes about the contestants all wishing for “world peace”, only to really, from her heart, share this very same hope in the end.

We all long for peace, peace in the world but also peace in our daily living and peace of mind. Second Advent is the Advent of Peace. Peace is a word we hear a lot in the news, and one might think first of the big conflicts in the world. However, peace is so much more than the absence or end of war between nations.

The Hebrew word Shalom, just as the Arabic Salam, or the Greek word Eirini, have a much wider concept of peace. It is often even used as a greeting. It demonstrates peaceful intent and also the wish that the other person may experience and honour peace as well. In our liturgies the peace greeting is similar: the worship leader may say, “Peace be with you” and the congregation answers, “And also with you.”

Peace thus is not just about the relations of nations, but our relation with each other and with ourselves. Peace then means: I want you to have and enjoy what you need without fear it might be violated or taken from you.

Peace requires that our needs are met, that we can feel satisfied, content, and safe. This is true for peace between nations, but also for us individually. Real peace can help us find ways to balance conflicting interests and grow together to new levels.

Peace in our homes

Conflict is not a contradiction to peace. Conflict is normal, as we cannot all have the same opinion and ideas and interests all the time.

While romantic movies and the honeymoon phase of relationships might suggest that love is always total harmony, it is not, and actually conflict can be helpful for growth.

When I am in a loving relationship of trust and shared hope, conflict does not call into question that bond, it trusts that the bond is strong enough to find common ground even when we have different interests or opinions in that moment.

It is more dangerous for our peace in relationships when we don’t acknowledge conflict, as unresolved conflict can lead to defensiveness, criticism, contempt, or stone walling, the four horsemen of the relationship apocalypse.

Peace requires trust and clear boundaries

I remember when our children were teenagers, and we sometimes had “conflicting ideas” about the weekend or a party.

As a parent we sometimes had to set very clear boundaries, however, as disappointed as our children might have been in that moment, they knew that we were actually caring and protective.

In turn we also accepted certain boundaries set by our children. Our family was based on this deep trust.

We were open to their point of view, and sometimes we gave in as well. While there might have been a slammed door or some voiced disappointment in some cases, the peace in our home carried us through.

When this peace is missing in a house, abuse, violence and fear can destroy the home. To be clear: nobody should stay or keep one’s children in an abusive relationship or house. Something has to change first.

The relationship between neighbours or nations requires trust as well. It is essential to build up trust and show good will if we want to create peace, but also with clear boundaries that have to be respected.

To overcome hate between former enemies it can be helpful to build bridges of encounter, create cultural and youth exchange programmes, and over years true peace can make friends and allies out of former enemies.

Peace is a win-win mindset

This kind of peace requires a mindset of win-win, rather than of one side dictates or takes it all.

Those “deals” might seem advantageous to the one in power, but they erode trust and peace as they create resentment and even anger.

Nobody wants to be treated as a loser. Sadly, in this world many have a flawed idea of greatness and want to dictate their idea of peace which rather creates chaos and confusion.

Jesus promised his followers a new kind of peace, His peace, which is different from what the world can give us. He said: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27, NIV).

Jesus is the Prince of Peace

One of Christ’s titles in the Bible is “Prince of Peace”. His peace can change a person from the inside.

It begins with true peace with God. It is a peace that we can have because God offers it to us. In Jesus, God made a peace offer to you and to me, that will erase anything that stood between God and us.

God is willing to forgive our shortcomings, sin and selfishness. The Apostle Paul writes in Romans 5 (NIV) about this peace and its consequences for us. Just read verses 1 to 2 and 6 to 8:

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God …

“You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

When we learn to trust this promise we can truly become peaceful from within as well and accept who we are.

God created us to be us, not somebody else. We can find our true self in this peace, as we no longer need to control the world around us or put on a façade to cover our true self. Let go and let God.

God loves you

Let it sink in: God loves you so much that he came into this world to be “one of us”, like Joan Osborne sings in her hit. That is why will celebrate Christmas in two and a half weeks.

And not only did he come into this world in a lowly stable, Christ was willing to take all the blame and sin and guilt and nail it to the cross. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” (John 3:16-17: NIV)

Rick Warren teaches that finding peace both personal and global, involves surrendering control to God, accepting what you can’t change, like grief or past hurts, living with honesty, kindness, and gratitude, and empowering ordinary people through his peace plan.

This is the peace the Second of Advent promises us: there is no condemnation, but salvation. All we have to do is trust this promise and allow Christ to enter into our hearts. It is preparation for a peaceful and joyous Christmas in all our homes.

“Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:7; NLT)

• Karsten Decker is a German theologian with a double degree equivalent to an MTheol and MDiv. He studied in Marburg (Germany), Knoxville (USA), and Toronto (Canada) and comes from a united church of Lutheran and Reformed Churches. He was the pastor of Peace Lutheran Church in Bermuda from 2010 to 2017, and after returning from Germany is now the temporary pulpit supply at Centenary United Methodist Church in Smith’s