*** "Those who can, do, those who can't, teach'' is an old saying that immediately sprung to mind when I found out about this show.

To be honest, I've always thought it a bit of a cruel cliche. After all, what more nobler ambition could you hope to reach than -- having diligently studied your craft -- sacrifice the possibility of a glorious career to pass on your wisdom, expertise, knowledge and -- yes damn it -- love of your subject to a group of sweaty adolescents who are more interested in video games, junk food and who's necking who? Or do Bermuda's art teachers really live up to the cliche? Are they just a sad bunch of timid failures who, having dipped their toes in the frantic whirlpool of the avant garde, decided instead to settle for a fat pension and 35 weeks holiday a year? Has the sackcloth of artistic integrity been traded in for a pair of snug flannel pyjamas and a mug of comforting cocoa? Well, not surprisingly, the answer is never black and white and there's a mixed bag of teacher's pets and could do betters here.

Top of the form goes to Diana Amos for `Old Town Textures' a rich, enormous acrylic of a rundown house. Richly textured as the title suggests, Ms Amos presents us with an atypical view of St. George's that is nevertheless beautiful and honest.

Daniel DeSilva has shown his versatility by producing a couple of delicate pen and ink drawings, a wonderfully calming and unusual composition of a cottage blind and an abstract -- `Bermuda Onion' -- which makes your eyes swim.

Also worth a mention are Jason Jones for his studies of the various textures a plain piece of white paper takes on when cut, folded, crumpled or torn, Patricia A. Lambert for her portraits of children which are a delight and Elizabeth Ann Trott for her sculptures. Ms Trott has a wonderful talent for rendering the canine form, seen here in `Stretch' and her abstracts, `Warrior I' and `Warrior II' were full of strength and energy.

Manuel Palacio seems to think he's the reincarnation of Vincent Van Gogh at the moment producing brightly coloured, thickly layered, swirling oils that are just awful. Perhaps he should take a step back and see where he's come from. In this show he's entered a double portrait -- his parents I think -- completed several years ago, which is altogether more restrained than his current style, but full of strength and character. Perhaps he should go back and re-learn a few basics.

Unfortunately not everyone can be top of the class. For that matter not everyone can paint.

I was surprised to see a couple of watercolours by Elyse Nierenberg here.

Surprised because I always presumed she was a Primary Four pupil still struggling to remember that, if you mix yellow powder paint with red powder paint, you get a lovely orange colour.

`Afternoon on the Thames' is yet another one of her attempts at recreating a whimsical, Late Victorian Scene. The composition is weak and unoriginal, the technique poor.

This is not an attempt to be sarcastic, cruel or personal, it's just that her paintings belong in the nursery, not the gallery. I might suggest that her painting has improved in the past year, but that doesn't stop it being remedial. Ironically they are also the most expensive paintings in the show but we won't go there -- I feel I've made my point on that issue already.

Yes, it can sometimes be easy to criticise, but only when you have a plump, stationary target ten paces in front of you and your finger on the trigger.

Which brings me to a final point. What happens to those pathetic individuals who, realising that they cannot paint, then suffer the double indignity of not being able to teach either? Simple -- they become critics of course.

GARETH FINIGHAN ART REVIEW REV ARTIST ART