As part of The Royal Gazette 's continuing series on racism in Bermuda, Living reporter Patricia Calnan speaks to Joseph and Susan Simmons who, as the photo right shows, have a personal insight into the life of a mixed-race couple.

When Joseph Simmons met Susan Laird at university in 1983, neither dreamt that their almost immediate friendship would lead to marriage.

Initially thrown together at Canada's Acadia University through their deep religious convictions, Joseph admits he was "stunned'' by the outgoing, exuberant white Canadian girls.

"I joined one of the Christian groups on campus which organised fun things, like pizza and beach parties for people who didn't want to drink,'' he explains. "I was a sheltered Bermudian boy from the AME church, so when Susan and the others would suddenly take it upon themselves to rub our hands or backs to warm us up in that cold climate, I was shocked. We Bermudians were all shocked! I thought Susan was definitely someone to stay away from!'' "I think they thought we were a bit outrageous, so the Bermudians tended to avoid us in case we embarrassed them,'' adds Susan.

"I think we just fell in love,'' muses her husband. "It just happened. She certainly wasn't my first choice of colour!'' There was a parting of the ways after graduation -- Joseph returning home with a degree in Chemistry and Susan (who already had a BA in Education), with a Masters in Christian Education, remaining in Canada.

Although they remained in touch by letter and the occasional phone call, the relationship had virtually ended. They would not meet again for about five years.

"It was probably fate to find myself in Ottawa on a computer course, and Susan was passing through,'' says Joseph who is employed as a computer technician with The Royal Gazette . "In any event, we got together again, and decided to get married. That happened a year later, in 1991.'' Susan ventures the opinion that they would probably have married sooner, had it not been for the racial aspect. Both agree, however, that the eventual decision to marry and to have "lots of children'' was made with both eyes wide open. They also admit there was a certain amount of trepidation in gauging their families' reactions.

"My family had always liked Joseph and he'd visited my home in New Brunswick.

But my mom used to say that the bible said that black people couldn't marry white people, and I think that, in the beginning, she was unhappy about the idea of `mixed marriage' children. She used to say, `Both are beautiful in their separate ways, but should stay that way -- separate'.

Anyway, she always said that Joseph was a wonderful young man and when we ended up living in Canada, right next door to her, she bent over backwards to try and help us out.'' Joseph says that in his case, the "race aspect'' was never discussed by his family. "Most of my family had no problem. My parents are divorced and my dad and his second wife are Moslems. We have always been very warmly received by them, stayed in each other's houses and had lovely times together.'' Now the proud parents of an eight-month-old son, Laird, the Simmons say they have experienced few problems since they returned here to live.

"While I was in Canada, I had to look in the mirror to remind myself of what colour I was. Nowadays, I don't really think of our marriage as `a mixed marriage'. You get beyond that. I mean, I don't wake up in the mornings and think, `I'm married to a white woman.' I just don't think about it. On the other hand, I would have to say that in Bermuda, there's nothing you can quite put your finger on, but you do sometimes catch people giving us that fleeting second glance when we're out somewhere.'' Susan says she has rarely felt anything but comfortable in Bermuda. "Even before we were married, people were very friendly. I was very warmly received by Allen Temple Church -- they became my family here, my very best friends.'' Bermuda, they say, has a much better track record than New York.

"When we've visited there, we tend to split up to shop in the malls,'' explains Susan. "They are very nice until Joseph arrives and you can positively feel the air bristle!'' "They bristle when I'm on my own,'' retorts Joseph. "If I go into a computer place, for instance, they hover around and never take their eyes off me.'' Although only a few of their immediate circle are "mixed marriage'' couples, before the birth of Laird they found themselves looking at other couples' babies "to see what ours would look like.'' It was when their baby finally arrived, that the Simmons experienced what they describe as their only truly upsetting incident in Bermuda.

"That was when we had to register Laird with the Government Registrar,'' explains Susan. "There was this question about the racial colour of your child. We decided to complete the form but leave that question blank, as he is neither black nor white. Then I got a phone call telling me they couldn't process his birth certificate without this question filled in, so I told the woman to speak to Joseph about it, as it was his country, and you wouldn't be asked a question like that in Canada. She got quite nasty and said the hospital had already written down `black' and that all I had to do was write in the same on the form. Now, Laird happens to have blonde hair and blue eyes ... I pointed this out to her and she was extremely rude to me and said, `We already know he's black.'' Joseph takes up the story from there: "I called the Assistant Registrar to tell him that one of his employees had reduced my wife to tears and he was very apologetic, and kept murmuring politically correct things. But he also said it was the first time anyone had ever complained about that question on the form and both Susan and I know that this is an outright lie.

We personally know of many couples who have complained, or heard about other people who've had the same problem. In the end, he gave us the option of putting down `mixed', so we did that.'' They have never been concerned about any implied problems of being a `mixed race' family.

"Some people ask us if we think our children will be confused. We feel that identity is given to a child by the adults around them. Children don't think about race -- it's only when other people start categorising them that the troubles begin. There is no problem with our son -- there may be with other adults, but we believe he will be very well adjusted,'' says Joseph.

Both feel that class and cultural differences can be just as difficult as racial ones: "There can be tremendous problems that arise because of different religious backgrounds, or nationalities but, of course, the big difference in the race thing is that there is an immediate visual difference and that's where the prejudice comes in. Some people `see' a problem in their minds without knowing a single thing about your background, or your life experience.'' Susan Simmons admits that sometimes, the reactions of others can be startling - but amusing, as well. "If I'm talking to a group of black people who don't know I'm married to Joseph, they can be quite guarded. Once he turns up, though, the attitude changes and they open up at once. I had some black workmen come to the house the other day and when they saw our wedding picture, they became much more friendly!'' "Sometimes,'' says Joseph with a laugh, "if I'm talking to a group of white people it seems they will make a point of telling me that their daughter or niece, or someone, is married to a black person -- they desperately want to make a connection. I also have the feeling that people who know I am married to Susan, but don't know me closely, try to sound me out and make a point of listening to my political views to see where I'm coming from -- do I have the traditional white views on things, or not? All these things are unspoken, but the feeling is there.'' Susan takes up on these points, giving as an example the period she spent in Canada, teaching and living alongside two Indian tribes.

"They were very cautious with me, but as soon as they heard me speaking their language, they would relax and, suddenly, I belonged. If you drop a clue in any group, whether it's horse-riding or scuba-diving, or whatever, that you are `one of them', people begin to react on a different level and I think that's true of inter-racial marriage. I think most people do try very hard to react well!'' "Even though,'' chimes in Joseph, "it cannot be denied that there are definitely ideological and cultural differences between the white and black races.'' Joseph belongs to the AME church and his wife is a Baptist. They occasionally visit the interdenominational church of Radnor Road Christian Fellowship. "It is very mixed racially and very harmonious,'' says Joseph."They have classes there for Portuguese and Filipinos.'' Mixed-race couple looks ahead From Page 27 Asked about their hopes -- or fears -- for the future, they answer by quoting a black teacher friend who was a guest at their son's dedication service.

"Afterwards,'' says Susan, "we had a little luncheon at the house and this man, who is well known here, and actively involved in public speaking and so on, told me that as far as he could recall, this was the first time he had been to a home function that was so well mixed. So, I believe that all this talk that's going on right now about communication comes to nought. What it really comes down to is whether blacks and whites are not just working together in the office, but going to each other's homes afterwards, to be a part of family activities, not just work-related activities. Unless that is happening in Bermuda, then the races will stay far apart.'' She illustrates this point by referring to an incident when she was employed as a substitute teacher: "One day, some of the students insisted to me that today's Bermuda is not racist. My reply was to challenge them to make a difference in their generation, a difference that cannot be instituted by laws, but can only come about by person to person friendships. I told them racism will only cease to exist in Bermuda when they invite each other into their homes and share genuine friendship activities, like shopping and swimming together. Apparently, they went home and told their parents who promptly phoned the principal. She reprimanded me the next day, insisting I was there to teach school subjects, not social values. I was here for ages,'' she goes on, "before I met a mixed couple who were both born and raised Bermudians. On the other hand, we both think the picture is changing. As a substitute teacher who works around the Island, I've been working recently with four-year-olds and noticed that many of them are mixed-marriage children.

This is not nearly as noticeable if I'm teaching the 11 to senior age groups.'' This view, incidentally, is borne out at the Bermuda High School for Girls, where a recent survey revealed that 22 percent of pupils are mixed-marriage children.