misunderstood. According to society's stereotypes we strive to be the strong silent type with all the answers. That `ideal' model can be dangerous when it comes to family relationships. It is an unfortunate reality that men are often perceived as weak, by themselves and other men, when they need to `talk' about important personal issues, such as their relationship with their wife or family. Men's closest friends and associates do not intentionally block them out when they venture to get close or share feelings, but often they are conditioned to keep at an arm's length from the softer side of human nature.

`Man talk' is about the team, the car, the boat, the house, the vacation but not the things that really matter.

It all starts in childhood. While little girls are playing house what are little boys playing? Cowboys and Indians, war games or they are playing with the action-figure related to the most recent movie and McDonald's ad. Mario of Nintendo 64 fame is currently the hero of a lot of young boys.

There are many men who have no idea of what it means to be a father. They have scarcely had a relationship with their own father. There are so many different responses to the birth of a child. But to every man, becoming a father is a major event -- and new-moms, be warned. The man in your life needs to be encouraged to join in the responsibilities and joy of parenthood.

It is not uncommon for a woman to go back to her roots, the place she first learned to love, back to the person who taught her about life and childbirth, when she delivers her first child. Those `roots' are often her mother. A case known to the Fathers' Resource Centre was this scenario exactly.

The first night in the hospital, husband and wife shared the responsibility.

Dad awoke just minutes before the scheduled feeding times and gently nudged his wife awake. He says he felt a part of the process although not physically able to feed his son.

He loved to sit with his wife as she breast-fed their newborn. Days later his wife brought her mother into the picture which significantly changed the dynamics of the parenting partnership. Whenever this father's sleep was broken with the cry of his son, he would be pushed aside by his wife's mother, also wanting to dote on her first grandchild. Once or twice turned into a habit and by the time he realised what was happening, it was too late to reasonably discuss the issue with his mother-in-law.

The man in this case tells us his mother-in-law is still unaware of his feelings on the issue and would likely be horrified to learn of his concerns.

He concedes it did allow him a little extra sleep those nights.

There are other ways a woman may inhibit fatherhood without knowing it.

Think back a few years to when a man was nominated to be Mother of the Year! While this was quite an honour in one sense, what does that say about the role of fathers in Bermuda? This excellent father was such a caring, nurturing guide to his children that he was dubbed a `mother' to his children. Come on Dads. Show Bermuda what a good father can be, the soft strength, the guidance and love that is frequently thought to be a mothers primary domain is also provided by fathers. This is not to deny that men and women nurture their children in different ways.

Families where the parents live apart, face different challenges, which can be addressed in subsequent articles.

The Father's Resource Centre is one of five registered charities that form the Family Resource Network. Their email address is frc y ibl.bm.