Something is clearly wrong when you need to wear four pairs of trousers just to look normal.

And while some of the measures crack addicts take to cover their tracks might seem humorous there was nothing funny about Randy Leverock's descent into addiction.

Painting a picture of life inside a crack house he said: "In a crack house you see men and woman who are in so much pain, there's irresponsibility, false hope, you see people who have to be around other people ? misery likes company.

"There are people who can't go home, their family has cut them off. They have lost their children, lost their jobs.

"They can't look after their children because they can't look after themselves.

"After a while you don't want to be there. Women are selling their bodies, men too, believe me. There's people selling jewellery and TVs."

An alcoholic before he started on crack, Mr. Leverock, now 47, started drinking at 14 at the community club. But everybody drank. "Bermuda has a society where you prove your manhood by how much you can drink.

"I came from a pretty decent family but you don't want to be the odd one out.

"I had this notion drinking by myself makes me an alcoholic but you can go to a bar and drink all night all night ? that's the insanity of it.

"I was a functional alcoholic for a long time just like a lot of Bermudians.

"I never realised I had a problem."

He lost jobs through alcohol, had black outs, hallucinated whole episodes.

But he always swore he would never do crack. "That was totally off the hook. Drugs were the world's end but alcohol was fine."

But he got dragged in by friends when he was in the late 30s and took his first puff on a crack pipe.

"The first time is very intense, very pleasureable. That's the best high you are ever going to get, the rest you are just chasing."

Within days he went back and was soon on it everyday. His drinking buddies condemned and dropped him and he fell in with the crack set.

"Cocaine consumes you ? all your money, all your time."

That addiction lasted eight years.

"I lost self esteem from young guys. I used to play football with their fathers but they are selling me crack. That's humiliating."

And there's violence. "Drug dealers will smack you if you don't have money. You become very adept at hiding."

And lying too. Although he never robbed anyone for drug money but he manipulated money out of family and friends.

"On Monday you are thinking how to pay bills. By Thursday you are thinking about how not to pay them, how to pay the pusherman and get high Friday.

"I have lived in basements and bus shelters, been homeless, I wouldn't bathe for days or clean my teeth, basic hygiene went.

"At weekends you don't get a bath. From Friday to Sunday you don't worry about that. Monday morning you go into work to get a shower.

"I used to have to put three or four pairs of pants on to look as if I had weight I had lost so much. I would tell people I was doing a lot of training."

Tired and beaten he described himself as a "shell of a man," when his day of reckoning came.

"I really looked in the mirror and started to cry. I couldn't believe what I had become, sunken eyes, blood shot, dull flaky skin."

He is proud and surprised he managed to stop his habit on a Friday ? the day every crack addict lives for when pay would be turned into enough drugs to last the weekend.

Describing his epiphany he said: "I looked at my surroundings ? it was pitiful. Mattresses on the floor, the stale smell of smoke and sweat. A horror story. People lying around all over the place.

"It's funny. I call it the voice of God saying today is your day. It was a Friday, for people who smoke crack it is time to get high but I didn't have that feeling, that urge."

He told his boss he had a problem. His boss, of course already knew, with his tell-tale sick days.

Taken that day to Addiction Services, on the way his driver stopped to buy drugs.

Strangely a dealer wished Mr. Leverock well. "He said: 'I am glad you are going to get help because this sh*t kills'.

"Recovery is a very painful experience. It makes you look at issues you don't want to look at.

"I had issues with my father, like most men in Bermuda, that needed to be sorted out. Bermudians don't like to talk about family issues. We tend to sweep it under the carpet.

"Recovery was very painful, I had to deal with my shame because I had become what I had become."

He had to admit the drugs were stronger which was tough. "A man can't admit he's weak because you are a man."

Off crack the first time he simply went back to drink and things actually got worse. "I was down to the bottom. In fact I was underneath the bottom looking up.

"Recovery is hard, recovery makes you look at life on life's terms. But addicts want a release from pain.

"But once you start that pain you find there's no need to bring more misery in which is what the drug does to you."

He kept drinking because he wanted to "keep something". I felt 'You can't take that away from me'." But a drug is a drug.

Life off everything was strange. At Harbour Lights he went on a non-alcoholic cruise.

"I had never been on a boat cruise in Bermuda not p*ssed. People are partying and dancing and I didn't know what to do. It was an experience."

The smells of alcohol at parties made him miserable and he eventually realised he would have to stay away totally.

"In recovery you have to change your whole lifestyle. Everything. People sometimes want to hold on to something and that's what brings you back."

He can't hang around still-addicted pals from years ago.

"I can see the misery in their eyes but I can't help them unless they want to help themselves. Recovery is a lifelong thing."

Even the smell of matches makes him think of crack. He found he still hoarded 30-40 boxes matches just to light ordinary cigarettes ? a habit he kept from his crack days.

"The last thing you want to do as a crack addict is run out of matches at two or three o'clock in the morning."

A drug councillor for four years, his experiences have put him in a good position to assess the island's drug problems ? and some of the causes.

"There are drugs in every family. People say of a drug addict they come from a good family, they shouldn't be doing that.

"But there are issues in that family that makes them do that, they are running from pain."

Now he helps others through their pain. He has got drug counselling qualifications and is getting more ? even though he believes hands-on experience is the most important part.

"Someone who had never done drugs cannot understand the insanity of addiction and they never will."

After living most of his life going from dead-end jobs to dead-end jobs, Mr. Leverock, who now works at Focus Counselling Services as last has a mission.

"I have a lot of respect in the community ? but there are hundreds and hundreds like me. Society doesn't see it because they don't like to put it out there."