Question: Can you give us some advice on helping our 3-year-old daughter overcome her shyness? She's in preschool and cried the whole time at the Christmas party. She wouldn't go on stage with the rest of her classmates and stood next to me, clinging to me the whole time.

A. While children are born with different temperaments and some are more shy than others, fully half of shy children reverse their obvious shyness. A first priority is for children not to become labelled by adult talk as being shy, so when others call your daughter shy, just respond by saying: "She seems to be getting over her shyness as she grows up."

You'll want to look for opportunities to comment within her hearing on her improved social ability and independence. Gradually, she'll see herself as more confident as you describe her that way. Right now, discussion of her shyness brings her plenty of attention, and she carries it as her persona.

Plan play dates for her at home and at other children's homes so she gets time away from you. Don't ask if she'd like to go to new places, or she'll say no and an argument will ensue. Instead, just say, with confidence: "I've arranged for your friend to come here," or "for you to go there," or "for you to take dance lessons."

Once she's been dropped off a few times and starts enjoying friends or interesting classes, she'll forget to feel shy and will develop more social confidence.

Q. I'm wondering at what age is it inappropriate for a child to see their parent naked? If it's the opposite-sexed parent, is the age different?

A. Most typically, seeing the same-sexed parent nude is reasonable at any age, thus dressing in locker rooms for swimming or gym is usually open. I advise that nudity with the opposite sex should stop around kindergarten age when children are expected to use separate rooms at school for dressing or using the toilet.

Children need to be taught not to touch private parts quite early, although they're often curious about touching their parents' private parts. The most important reason for teaching this is to avoid children getting into trouble by touching other children and to protect them from predators or abusers who might take advantage of their naivete and touch them.

Some cultures are clearly more relaxed about nudity than others, and in some cultures adults and children are even playful about touching each other's private parts. Because our mainstream culture has become hypersensitive to abuse, I recommend stating very clearly to children that they must not touch others' private parts and must not permit others to touch theirs. Nonetheless, it's important for parents not to overreact or over punish children when they touch or look at each other out of what always has been and continues to be normal childhood curiosity. It's a very tricky balance.

Q: I'm a divorced mom with primary custody of my 8-year-old son and ten-year-old daughter. My question revolves around my daughter. She has entered puberty and will begin her menstrual cycle soon.

My concern is that when she stays at her father's house she and her brother take turns sleeping in his bed. Is this a normal situation for a child her age? Is this appropriate, considering that she's pubescent? My daughter is very worried about making her father "sad", but I'm having a hard time dealing with this. I don't believe there's anything inappropriate going on, but I'm very concerned for her mental health. Do you have any advice?

A. Make no mistake about it; it is not normal for ten-year-old girls to sleep with their fathers. Neither child belongs in bed with Dad, nor should they feel like their co-sleeping is required for their dad's happiness.

While I hope there's nothing inappropriate going on, and I don't like to suspect every father who sleeps with his children from time to time, why not be on the safe side? Your daughter's expressed worries cause me to think her dad might be expecting too much from her; although admittedly, some kids imagine they must take more responsibility for adults than adults intend.

You might explain to your ex-husband that he may marry someday, and rather than the children feeling displaced by a stepmother, it's better for their independence that they become accustomed to sleeping on their own. You can even say you read this in a newspaper column.

Q: I have a 3-year-old daughter, and I'm a first-grade teacher. I often see kids that are struggling as younger students or older students that excel within their grade.

Her birthday is August 1. The school start deadline here is September 15. I'm debating about when she should start school. She's social, outgoing and academically has met or exceeded the milestones for her age group at this time. Her sister is 16 months behind her ... so they will be either a year or two apart in school, based on this decision. Any advice?

A. The difficulty of making the decision about entrance to kindergarten is that whether it's the best decision can't always be judged in kindergarten or first grade. Those young children who struggle in first grade may turn out to be the best hard-working students by middle school, and those older students who excel in earlier grades may be the underachievers and troublemakers by middle school. Neither is always the case, and a careful evaluation before you make the decision will truly help.

If your daughter has the above-average readiness and good social skills that you've observed, follow the entrance guideline, although she'll be somewhat young in the class. If you hold her back a year, she may be bored and become accustomed to learning so easily that later challenge in school will feel worrisome. On the other hand, if her abilities and readiness are only borderline, according to testing, waiting a year may be a better answer. In general, girls mature earlier than boys, so being young in the class is less of a disadvantage. You do need further information before making that difficult decision.