hand (left hand if you are so inclined) any article of clothing you feel you can spare. Stand firmly upon your chair and wave at the member of staff nearest you. And if he or she waves back -- smile -- it's hell to be ignored.

Rule No. 2: If you want something that is not on the menu, ask for it. Your waiter will discuss it with the bartender, who will discuss it with Fritz, who will discuss it with the chef, who will come to your table and discuss it with you, because by that time you will have forgotten what you ordered.

Rule No. 3: If the food served to you has not been cooked to your liking signal the waiter in the manner prescribed in Rule No. 1 and inform him of the problem. He will return your food to the chef who will be immediately banned to ? Rule No. 4: If you leave behind personal belongings such as an overcoat, please write to the Lost and Found Department, who will refer your letter to the Personnel Manager, who will attempt to track down the owner, who just happens to be in Europe -- with your overcoat.

Rule No. 5: If you must sing, please refer to the `Anderson Book of Etiquette' as to the type of music best suited for an establishment specialising in sea food. Songs such as `Blow the Man Down', `Over the Waves', `The Mermaid', `The Eddystone Light' and other compositions of a similar nature are preferred by the Management.