relaxed.

I realised the difference between Bermuda's atmosphere and all others. At that moment there was no eyes to watch me, no mouths to speak about me, and as I sat tears fell down my cheeks, not tears of sadness or anger, but of relief and joy.

I had cried tears of happiness for the first time. At that moment I knew I was free from closed-minded people for two weeks. Not knowing it would feel like two minutes.

I stepped off the aeroplane grinning from ear to ear. I felt as if I was glowing like a candle. I saw my grandparents and I felt happier than I had ever felt before.

After that we went to my cousin's concert. It was so refreshing to see the school spirit. All the things that I feel Bermuda has forgotten over the years I felt they had, like parents' support and a feeling of togetherness.

I watched my cousin in the band and felt so proud. That night I went to my aunt's house and we sat and talked and laughed for about an hour. I had not felt that at home in such a longtime. It was refreshing.

But the next two weeks went by so quickly it amazed me. I did everything I wanted to do; I shopped, slept, and listened to music. I saw how different people act, dress, live away, and I loved it.

It became really cold, snow everywhere as far as the eye could see. The window in the van began to freeze because of the weather. Yet the change was so needed and appreciated. One day I went for a walk to the park and the little creek was frozen; underneath the water flowed through. The trees around were bare without leaves and there were no fish in the water.

Something else happened after that. I saw two girls about my age, but I realised that people from away are not anything like we as Bermudians think.

They spoke to me and it startled me. I spoke, but then I left. While I was walking back I realised that I had a fixed mentality as well, the attitude I hated about every other Bermudian. After that I decided to try and change my attitude.

It was time to go home and I was nowhere near ready to leave. The day before I came home it snowed long and hard, it was a snowstorm. I prayed and hoped it would not stop. I did not want to return to such compressed thinking, or eyes that would watch my every move. Unfortunately it stopped and the roads were cleared for my trip home. I felt the tension building back up as I drove to the airport; tears filled my eyes again, this time of disappointment and sorrow. I dreaded the thought of going back to chaos and strife, as that was what awaited me. But I got on the plane and said bye to my grand parents.

Unconsciously I hoped that plane would not be able to leave the ground. I was delayed for two hours. It still took off and the smile fell from my face.

When I got home I felt chained or boxed, combined to a little area of nothing.

Back to boredom and day to day life in Bermuda. It took me a while to get used to life as we know it. I missed the snow and the frost; I missed everything I had experienced abroad. I realised at that moment that I do not think I belong on this Island.

It's home, but it really isn't home to me anymore. My mind feels so confined here and I found that I had to go away to really find myself, and know what I want for myself. So in the future I think I want to leave this island for at least five years.

By Jannell Burgess No caption