Little Pink Slips

(G.P. Putnam’s Sons, 384 pages)<$f"FranklinGothic-DemiCond">

WE can call this a roman a clef, or thinly veiled fiction, but let’s cut to the chase: Little Pink Slips <$>is about Rosie O’Donnell.Yes, it’s fiction. We can’t say what’s real and what’s not in this behind-the-scenes novel about a staid women’s magazine taken over by a brash celebrity. But we can say that the author, Sally Koslow, was the editor in chief of McCall’s before it turned into the ill-fated Rosie. And we can say that the brash fictional celebrity in question, Bebe Blake, has a talk show and likes running her mouth — loudly.

Our hero is Magnolia Gold, the mild-mannered editoLady<$> magazine. Lady<$> is no Vogue; its loyal readers enjoy a good recipe and a cure for pet psoriasis. Here, the devil wears bike shorts.

Magnolia’s world is turned upside down when her publisher decides to create a personality-driven magazine for Bebe, modelled after Martha and Oprah. What follows is a series of train wrecks that won’t come as a surprise to those who followed the real-life lawsuit, or O’Donnell’s more recent personality clashes.

Magnolia is quickly demoted. Bebe insists on creative control for her off-kilter ideas. She snubs high-profile photographers. She creates a pro-gun issue after a messy talk show duel with pacifist Sharon Stone — the opposite of O’Donnell’s clash with Tom Selleck.

Bebe’s problems aren’t strictly professional — she also sexually harasses an 18-year-old boy. When Magnolia’s father suggests that Bebe is gay, her mother responds: “Eliot, you’re crazy — that’s Rosie.” Wink, wink.

Dese the lurid source material, Little Pink Slips <$>is light on juice, in part because Rosie O’Donnell is no Anna Wintour. She’s not the secretive type — what you see is what you get.

The side stories about finding Mr. Right feel like filler meant to transform a bit of gossip into a full-blooded novel. The attempt falls flat.

We do root for Magnolia, if only by default. She’s a lamb surrounded by wolves. But she does little to help her situation and never takes a real stand against the forces that torpedo her magazine. She even passive-aggressively agrees with Bebe that an abortion issue would be a swell idea — knowing that no advertiser would go near it.

Eventually, Bebe pulls out of the magazine, her colleagues lose their jobs and a messy lawsuit ensues. You can’t help but agree when the judge declares it a draw. Nobody’s a winner here, including the reader.