With Valentines Day just around the corner, thoughts inevitably turn to romance, the search for the right partner( or gratefulness that you have found that special someone), or wishful thinking, for ladies still hoping for the knight in shining armour and men, the Cinderella princess.

In reality, finalising that special relationship is very very hard work, demanding commitment, honesty, transparency, trust, deep caring, flexibility, the ability to put someone else's needs ahead of your own, and probably most important, constant communication. Even if all these attributes are aligned with the stars, money issues that can strain a relationship to the breaking point. More than 50 percent of divorces are triggered by the inability of both partners to handle their finances appropriately within the relationship.

Marriage counsellors use screening methods to help couples initially figure out if they have any common ground, and will typically start with serious issues such as religion, personal moral codes, culture, class, family relationships, and intelligence quotients (IQ). Financial compatibility is much further down the list (on one counselling web site, it was barely mentioned). This is hard to understand based on statistics quoted above. Imagine requesting that a date have an IQ test performed to determine if he/she is within 15 points of your IQ range? If this is not a relationship terminator, I don't know what is, yet the marriage counselling field research more than suggest that those who marry way above or below their IQ have greater difficulty in achieving emotional and intellectual parity. Even though I thought the premise appalling, remembrances surfaced of young night school classmate who decided to broaden her horizons and increase her chances for a long successful career. Married at sixteen to a young US soldier while in Germany, upon returning to the US, he resumed to his prior pickup truck (rifle on rack in back, six pack in front every night) lifestyle. Possessed with far more than average intelligence himself, he adamantly refused to consider further education. The thought of his young wife being perceived by his mates as 'smarter' than him was so threatening to his personal image that he routinely threatened her - with a rifle. Brave strong soul, after a restraining order was violated, she moved out, filed for divorce, finished college and obtained a better job. My question still is, how is it that many with only street smarts instinctively understand and do seek education on the road to success? financial tasks are shared, some not, while others are handled by the partner with the interest time or expertise. We seek what we lack in ourselves from our partners. Either sex may seek a partner that will take care of them, i.e. the female may refuse to make any money decisions because she 'really wants a sugar daddy to take care of her'. He may feel that handling finances is simply beneath him and lay it off on the other partner. The problem with these types of mind sets is simply that when things go awry, blame is immediately placed because the financial decision was not mutually arrived at. In my investment and financial planning career, I have seen many variations in financial relationships, none of which ever appeared to be handled satisfactorily. Often, the less assertive spouse in the relationship has no idea and never inquires about the net worth of the family, where the assets were, how they are titled and who the beneficiaries are. In one of the saddest cases, in a second marriage where the female spouse had been granted a life interest only in the family property, she was turned out of her home by her husband's children from the first marriage. With no other provisions made for her (not in writing only verbal ? his famous words, ' you will be taken care of' ) virtually penniless, over the age of 65, she was forced to return to her home country after 30 years to face an incredibly bleak future. Should she have insisted on a settlement in writing of her share of the estate long before her husband's death? You bet!

So with two stories of finances gone wrong, what can you do besides learning to communicate opening and frequently with your significant other? You can run a little financial compatibility test to see if this person has qualities that match yours. Start with these and add your own. Answers are yes or no.

Does he/she consistently give to charities?

Does he or she go all out at Christmas?

Is he or she a Scrooge not only at Christmas but birthdays etc?

Does he or she dicker endlessly about sharing costs on a restaurant bill?

Does he or she treat waitpersons and other service staff with respect?

If he or she is a manager, do they treat those that earn less than them with respect?

Does he or she need constant treats to maintain a self image?

Do you know what your partner makes?

Do you know what your partner owns, here and elsewhere?

Does he or she encourage you to further your education?

Would he or she resent your making more money the most money in the relationship?

Would he or she be upset if you dramatically quit your job?

Would he or she react negatively if you spent $5,000 without telling them?

Does he or she hide new purchases?

Can he or she delay gratification on certain goals?

Does he or she favour children from a previous marriage?

Does he or she always override your money decisions?

Do you increasingly find that you are uncomfortable with the way money is handled with or by your partner?

Do you ever have serious talks about money parameters?

More than six negative thoughts, maybe your Valentine is not what you really want long-term. You know what to do from there!