March 12, 2011Dear Sir,In the year 2011, the Lord came onto Noah, who was now living in Bermuda and said: “Noah, once again, the earth has become wicked, sinful and overpopulated and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans.”He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: “You have six months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard ... but no Ark! “Noah”, he roared, “I’m about to start the rain, where is the Ark?” “Forgive me, Lord”, begged Noah. “But things have changed.” I needed an SDO. I’ve been arguing with the Inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then TCD demanded a bond be posted for the future cost of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark’s move to the sea. I argued that the tsunami would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.Getting the cedar wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local cedar trees in order to save vegetation. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the cedar wood, but no go ... plant life comes first. When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights group and the SPCA obtained an injuction. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. As well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in such a confined space.Then the Environmental Department ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission and CURE on how many guest workers I’m supposed to hire for my building crew to build the Ark. I’m also still waiting on the Department of Immigration even though I applied for work permits six months ago. Also, the Bermuda Industrial Union says I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark building experience. And to make matters worse, Customs has seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive me Lord, but it would take at least ten years for me to finish the Ark.“Suddenly... the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looks up in wonder and asked, you mean you’re not going to destroy the world?”. “No,” said the Lord. “The Bermuda Government beat me to it!” “Amen” said Noah!PETER BROMBYPaget