Sorry I’m late, the traffic was terrible!I can’t get a job because of the economy.I had a stressful week so I ate the whole cake.Drugs are ruining our island.He’s a jerk and treated me badly for years… his mother spoiled him.The dog ate my homework, no it really did!!Isn’t there always a “reasonable reason” for the negative situations we are in or the things we do or don’t do? We hear and say these kinds of ‘explanations’ often. And notice, it’s always someone else’s fault of course!Blame comes naturally. When things go wrong we assign blame or make excuses. The perception is that wrong = punishable, so of course we don’t want to be wrong. Whether it’s a relationship falling apart, an assignment past deadline, an organisation flailing, whenever an expectation is not being met, we want to remain the ‘good guy’ the ‘right’ one, and so we find any thing or anyone to blame.Blaming others, circumstances and external things takes the onus off us. And a good ‘blaming’, it seems, allows us to feel the ‘wrong’ has been recognised and can somehow now be dismissed. We can then continue to feel justified in our behaviours. We are now ‘excused’, and can ignore our contribution to the problem.When a blame culture pervades within any system, be it a society, a family, a team, a company, a government, a relationship, and even an individual etc, there are highly detrimental effects and costs:* Blame has emotional context and arises where fear, anger and resentment reside, all of which contribute to dysfunctional relationships and poor morale.* Blame inhibits creativity/honesty/openness. When blame is prevalent, fear exists and individuals tend not to take risks, think creatively or open up in fear of blame if it goes wrong. And often, if mistakes are made, people try to hide them, which can lead to problems escalating.* The blame mentality is self-perpetuating; blame evokes defensiveness which in turn reduces awareness. You blame someone, they tend to blame you back. Awareness disappears on both sides and nobody is looking at the situation objectively. Focus and energy is shifted away from the interest of the group towards self-preservation.Probably the greatest cost of a blame culture is the learning deficit it breeds. Mistakes, which inevitably happen, are usually punished and rarely learned from. Those involved are too busy defending their actions and making excuses to consider their role or responsibility in the mistake and learn from it. But something ‘going wrong’ is really just a symptom of a fault in that system. Blaming and punishing doesn’t address the problem at the root of why things go wrong. Because of this, the real problems are perpetuated.Renowned corporate coach John Whitmore says of blame: “It blocks the honest recognition, identification and acknowledgment of the inefficiencies in a system. Appropriate corrections cannot be put in place without accurate feedback.”The alternative to blame is taking personal responsibility and making ourselves accountable for our actions.Here is a behaviour model, outlining two different approaches: playing above or below the line.Above-the-line behaviour involves:OwnershipAccountabilityResponsibilityIt is characterised in “I” and “we” statements, seeing options and possibilitiesBelow-the-line behaviour involves:BlameExcusesDenialIt is characterised i: “you” and “they” statements, defensiveness and seeing frustration and problemsTaking personal responsibility may sound daunting but it is, in fact, very empowering. Blaming is ‘victim’ mentality “they/it caused the problem” = I had no control.Instead, owning how you contributed to a situation (even though others may be involved) gives you feedback on how to do things differently next time and puts the control back into your hands. Note: this is not condoning the poor choices or behaviour of others, nor blaming yourself for other’s actions, it is looking at the situation, particularly your part in it, more objectively.The next time a mistake is made, something goes wrong or you find yourself in an undesirable situation, try asking:What is my role in this?Who have I been or what have I done that has allowed this to happen like this?What can I do differently?What can I learn from this and do in a similar situation?To counter a blame culture at whatever level, we need to take a more systemic view considering the overall picture and what is interlinked, in order to solve the problems.Eliminating the blaming mindset and its ingrained habits can be a complex process. It requires time, perseverance and willingness to change.Some useful approaches include:* taking a new view on mistakes. Instead of blaming and focusing on what went wrong, instead focus on values, behaviours and process and what can be changed/improved;* having a clear understanding of the common goals and our roles in them, and a “we are all in this together” attitude;* effective communication techniques, an understanding of others’ perspectives and checking assumptions before reacting;* encouraging ‘above-the-line’ behaviour and being accountable (especially leaders and role models).Ditch the excuses and ditch the blame!“Sorry I’m late,” meant sincerely, is all that is needed if you then figure out what to do differently and take the actions so as not to be late again.Take responsibility and beat the blame game!Julia Pitt is a trained success coach and certified NLP practitioner. For further information telephone 705-7488 or visit www.juliapittcoaching.com.