Last week I outlined the basic theory of Human Needs Psychology: that we all have six fundamental emotional needs and that we will find either positive or negative ways to ensure these needs are met. The needs are certainty, variety, significance, connection/love, growth and contribution. Of these, we each have two driving needs that are stronger than the rest and will most greatly influence our decisions and actions. Being aware of these subconscious influences means we can more consciously make choices that best serve us.Any one thing that meets one or two of these needs for us will be alluring. Anything that meets four or more can be downright addictive. Again, these can prove to be positive or negative. For example, if a person really loves their job it may be because many of their needs are being met through it: a sense of significance (they feel important because of the position they hold/what they do); they have certainty about their work (about their competence, or the financial security of a pay cheque); they may have variety in the work they do; enjoy a sense of connection with their colleagues/customers; feel like they are contributing to their organisation/clients/society in general; be growing as they learn and further challenge themselves, progressing in their career. For this person, all six needs are being met at some level, leading to feelings of overall satisfaction.Someone who is not regularly having their needs met through healthy outlets may become dependent on negative behaviours to experience them. These might include overeating, high consumption of alcohol or drug use etc, even violence.As an example, we have all heard of ‘comfort eating’. It is comforting because it is certain: we know that food is available and won’t ‘let us down’. It also gives us variety, because eating will make us feel different than we did before; it changes our mood and gives us something to do. Feeding ourselves creates a sense of connection with our bodies: we might view eating particular things as ‘treating ourselves’, a kind of ‘self-love’ even though in reality they might be doing us harm. And we do it because we deserve it, don’t we? We offer ourselves this sense of significance. At least four needs are being met by this one behaviour.Similar motivations might entice drug taking and ‘self-medicating’. For a moment, consider the act of wielding a gun. For someone who may not be satisfying these needs elsewhere it could be dangerously alluring to find an instant feeling of significance from holding a deadly weapon, and a sense of certainty, the variety of emotion and potential action, and even connection to whoever is unfortunate enough to be at the other end of it etc.We can start to see how people can be sucked into these negative patterns and behaviours and how they may seem difficult to give up when it’s a way of meeting so many needs despite their potential negative consequences.Human Needs Psychology suggests that these needs are so compelling and universal that our awareness of them can help us address, not only issues like these in our own lives, but also being more effective in our interactions. Subconsciously, we might already do this, but by deliberately tuning in to these needs in others, we can create more meaningful relationships and collaborations, in everything from our personal relationships to business dealings.Think back to the person whose job met all of their needs on some level, and the satisfaction they got from that. Imagine if we can provide a similar kind of satisfaction for the people we connect with.For our intimate relationships we might hope to meet all six of our partner’s needs. The Robbins-Madanes group have designed the Ultimate Relationship & Divorce Prevention Program that I offer, the basis of which is first understanding and meeting your partner’s needs for certainty, variety, significance, love, growth and contribution in a positive way within the relationship to create a really compelling bond. When we have these needs satisfied we are then greater able to open up, trust, connect and be more compassionate and loving.More generally we might ask: how can we foster a similar connection with our family and friends? And consider what it could mean to a client/customer or colleague if we understood and were meeting several of their needs during our dealings with them. For example, if we can help them feel certain that they can count on us and feel assured about the product or information we are providing, if they feel respected and significant within the interaction, if they feel a sense of connection with us which comes from genuine caring on our part, and if we can further tap into their needs for variety, growth and contribution we would have a winning combination (although three out of six ain’t bad). This person will be returning for business or declaring their allegiance because of the satisfaction they have experienced in the exchange. As we do business with ‘people’, not necessarily with companies, when we create business relationships where people feel taken care of, they will often then go out of their way to maintain those relationships, a win/win for everyone involved.The question we might ask is how do we meet these needs? The answer will be different for everyone. We each have different criteria of what it takes to meet each of these needs. For example, one person with a driving need for certainty might need to have a million dollars in their bank account before they can feel secure, while another might need to know where they are going to sleep that night. These are the subconscious beliefs and rules we have created over time. Unfortunately sometimes our beliefs about our needs can set us up for failure. If someone’s need for love and connection depended on them being ‘liked by everyone they meet’, in reality they may find it hard to feel loved because not everyone will respond accordingly. This person may end up compromising themselves in order to try to please everyone so that he/she can feel loved.What do you require to feel certain or loved etc? What are your rules, ie what needs to happen in order for you to fulfil each of these six needs? Are these rules serving you in facilitating having your needs met, or how can you consciously tweak them to allow you to find fulfillment more easily?As for understanding others’ rules, one way might just be to ask them: How can I help you feel more …? What can I do …? This, at least, opens an opportunity for dialogue, awareness and greater mutual understanding.While this ‘six needs’ theory may be only one of many, concerning human and relationship psychology, it has shown to create effective and lasting change in those who apply it. I share it because it seems to strike a chord with so many, who recognise their own behaviours and those of others. How can this awareness of what and why we do the things we do, support you and your greater success? And how can you use it to help positively impact and influence your relationships and interactions going forward?Julia Pitt is a trained success coach and certified NLP practitioner. For further information telephone 705-7488 or visit www.juliapittcoaching.com.