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Love triangles are a dangerous thing

Dear Carla: I pay child support to my ex for our three children. I pay what the courts ordered, give extra if children need it, and never complain. Am I wrong to question their mother when I see her with new clothes, shoes etc all the time? Especially since she is continuously cryin' broke???


Dear NOT A FOOL: It sounds to me like you suspect that she is not spending the money on the needs of your children. Have you spoken to her about your observation? If your children are fine, and not in need, then I do not think that it is your concern whether or not she has new items or not. And I don't think that she will reveal it to you anyway. Now if the children appear to be without essential items, that's a different story.

Dear Carla: Fifteen years ago I had a relationship with a person who I thought I could not live without. We started a family and my life was great at times. We grew apart and I started hanging out because when I started my family I was young and didn't get the opportunity to live per se. I meet someone who I had a great friendship with and we hung out some. The friendship was totally platonic, but it got to a point where we both wanted more. I weighed the pros and cons and decided that I didn't want to waste my time or the time of the man I met when I was a teenager. So I left. I ended up in a relationship with the new guy and I couldn't have been happier. We spent six years together and he was all I needed. I consumed myself with him and everything about him. We had the same friends, we did everything together. He was there for me during my break-up with the other which unfortunately bought drama. We eventually got past that but then he got new friends which caused a separation between us and the things we used to do together.

We had our ups and downs and arguments through the years. He moved out for a month only for us to get back together because I didn't give up on getting him back. But then at the end of the six years he left for good. We continued to see each other even though he didn't live here. We spent so much time pointing the finger at each other because of the break-up that we couldn't resolve our issue. Now he's in a new relationship, we talk almost everyday on the phone and through BB and we still have a sexual relationship. What do I do when I feel this is the man I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with? Do I tell his girlfriend? He gets mad when I tell him I've met new people and doesn't want to see me with someone else. He even tells me I have a place in his life. I try to distance myself but when I ignore his phone calls for a few days he leaves voicemails leaving me feeling guilty. Do I send these messages to his girlfriend? When I tell him we can't be friends anymore because I deserve more I find myself needing him even more. How do I stop feeling that we were meant to be even though we're not together. He would spend a night at my house and the intimacy between us is amazing only to be with her the next day. Do I tell his girlfriend? What am I to gain? And is it really fair to her after she too has had a rough relationship prior to him? Should she be unaware of the double life he's living or should she know. I love this man with all that I have for him to choose to be with “the good girl”. I don't know what to do. Please help! Unfortunately it is way too much to this story but has the final chapter come?


Dear TURMOIL: You are in a very complex situation. Love triangles are dangerous and never end up with winners because someone always ends up getting hurt. I think that this man is playing you. In fact, he's playing BOTH of you. And you are allowing it because you know what he is doing while his girlfriend may not. Do not bother to send her the messages because if her mind is made up that she wants to be with him, she will believe any excuse he gives her in order for her to look at you untoward. You need to stop sleeping with him. A sexual bond can be very hard to break; especially when you are in love. You need to step back and take a long hard look at why you are allowing him to do this to you. Life is too short to waste it on someone who has no respect for you and only sees you as a sexual object (yup, that's all you are). By continuing with him, you are preventing yourself from the opportunity to have something real and true with someone else. Cut the ties. Good luck.

Dear Carla: At what age do I allow my children to have social media accounts?


Dear MOM:

I do not think children under the age of ten should have them and if they are under 16, I think that they should be heavily monitored by parents. Make your child 'friend' you if you are on social media, ask for their password and pay close attention to their activity. You must be diligent as there are predators out there!

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Published May 20, 2013 at 9:00 am (Updated May 20, 2013 at 9:18 am)

Love triangles are a dangerous thing

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